i had a pretty marvelous day. i wasn't expecting anything at all, so when i received a multitude of surprises and presents and happy birthdays from across the entire world (jeff from japan, alex from india!!) it just made the entire day so much sweeter. at work, nate brought in a steaming pot of green chili and homemade tortillas; he told me to open up the foil pack and on top was an 's' tortilla, s for summer, how sweet! we also had a lot of pastries and starbucks coffee from greg, and though i was wholly unproductive for most of the night, i happened to be watching at 6:59 when adam, jenn, and craig all gave me a shout-out on air :').

i met claire and daren for a late breakfast at snooze, and was a little bit of a grumpy bitch when we first got there, complaining about people being late (ha! like i'm one to talk) and how i didn't want to share a gluten-free pancake but i guess i would - but by the time our server gave me a special cinnamon pancake (non-gluten free!) with a little blue candle on top and said she didn't want to make me something i didn't want to eat on my birthday, i was completely melted. claire gave me the sweetest, most hilarious card and her and daren paid for my breakfast. i was joking about wanting to get early-morning drunk but i managed not to. the cinnamon pancake, btw, was absolutely orgasmic. i've never had anything that amazing. i think i tuned out whatever the conversation was at the time because i was just happy chewing.

at home, i showered and mom brought up my package in the mail - all the way from korea, missha bb cream, yay! we talked for a while sitting on the landing of the stairs and it was really nice, and then i took a three hour nap - the most sleep i got the entire day, haha!

when i woke up, there was a hongbao by my bed from my mom ;___; and then we had a sichuan feast and i've never heard mom laugh that hard over stories about when she threw away my grandpa/grandma's hoarder things and their reactions. and then my sister surprised me with her present and a small cake she bought with her own allowance ;u; and then i fell asleep for 30 minutes on the couch during the movie and now i'm just happy.

so i'm 23 (or, like i've been telling people all day, 21 for the third time). securely in denial about my age - i think this is the year i'll start lying about it. but i'm #content and #happy and #allgoodthings, to say the least. :)

mood_ happy
music_ happy birthday, as serenaded by jenn and adam!
crave_ nothing

Labels: birthday, family, food, friends, good things, job, life, love

i accidentally took an unintended (is that redundant?) hiatus.. but i've missed blogging, especially recently with all these changes in my life. i get extremely overwhelmed when i think of everything i haven't written about... have a compact list instead. links to lj entries.

-
since may, i have:

x graduated (+)
x traveled to taiwan & china for two months (+++)
x gotten a digital perm that i love (+)
x had overdramatic boy drama which has since then calmed down (+)
x celebrated many, many birthdays and halloween
x gotten a job as a producer at the nbc affiliate in co springs! and tonsillitis. (+)
x half-moved to the cutest apt in podunk close to my job - but close to my real home as well :)

i should be in bed right now.

but here's something: the strangest, most random things will strike me with bouts of nostalgia, most of them centered around childhood christmases. today, driving down elizabeth st. with the oncoming snow, i slowed down for two people to cross the road in their winter jackets and i zoned out for a second only to suddenly remember all the holiday parties my father used to take me to at wang yeye's huge manor on romantic 6th avenue, where i always wanted to live. i used to sit by the bay windows next to the christmas tree eating chinese finger foods and snowman cookies from a paper plate, and the room would always be dark, light streaming in from the parlor where most of the adults would congregate. afterwards, i'd wander up the mahogany stairs and sit at the television showing some cartoon, but mostly watch the boys slide down the railing. when we left for home, it was always from the back kitchen door into the night.

i'll be back soon.
(can't wait for christmas.)

mood_ nostalgic
music_ the tide (ft. dj friz) - tablo
crave_ december

Labels: family, friends, holidays, life, love, months, nostalgia, weekly sum-up

i was going to write a really long blog entry when i was home for spring break three weeks ago about how i love spring (break)! but obviously that failed, along with my mission to spring clean my entire room, which i have not cleaned out since i moved in in 8th grade. but this (click 01 & 02) is what i feel like when i'm home and it's march in denver and it's sunny and just starting to get warm again. happy, and unable to sit still, and obnoxiously cheerful because my seasonal depression is in fact, incredibly codependent on the sun. i went home for spring break hoping to stay home on our porch swing and be lazy with a glass of lemonade or whatever cliche, and instead i was out with friends for the majority of it. big surprise, especially when your break falls on saint patrick's day and it's the first year where all of your friends are finally 21.

-

(tangent in honor of march 17: obviously that night was ridiculous. i don't actually own anything green except a cotton t-shirt that i didn't bring home, so i wore all black instead and attempted to make up for it by wearing strings of green mardi gras beads, painting my nails a sparkly lime, and doing my eyeshadow in the same color. the previous day it had been 72 degrees and sunny - mar17 was windy, below 60, and freezing :|. alex, claire, daren and i ordered in pizza and then took the light rail downtown. we decided to wander around till we found somewhere with a lot of people, which ended up being SURPRISE, the tilted kilt. i really did not want to end up there because it is such a bar for broheims, but in retrospect, i am really, really glad we did.

after doing a tequila shot and then getting hit on by an obnoxious pushing-40 drunk at the bar who kept cajoling me for my zodiac sign and then KICKED ME in what he thought was a ~playful, flirty manner but was actually REALLY OBNOXIOUS and scuffed my pants, he bought us all rum and cokes and we got the fuck out of the bar and found a table at the back where daren and i ordered this fruity thing called purple haze that was really fucking delicious. we noticed these two older men who were having no luck finding anywhere to sit, so since there was only 4 of us at a 6-person table, we offered to share. i'd mentioned earlier that my goal of the night was to somehow get one of the huge green leprechaun hats that 60% of the people were wearing and this ended up being the entire catalyst for the rest of the night, so i pat myself on the back: first i spotted this guy across the room wearing the best hat ever - shiny green satin, an actual buckle in front - and then the two guys sitting at our table heard us and decided, along with my friends, to help me get that damn hat from the guy.

at this point we're all drunk already, so we're all being loud and obnoxious and saying ridiculous things. one of the guy's name's was biff (LOL. he wouldn't tell us his name for the longest time because of what it is. his friend's name was graham, they were both 37, and graham lied to us for a while by saying he was a dish washer when actually he's a graphic designer who sometimes comes to syracuse on business) and he was very charismatic and said I BET IF YOU FLASHED HIM HE'D GIVE IT TO YOU, but then i was like no that's ridiculous. the guy in the hat got up to use the restroom and biff was like, I'M GOING TO BARTER HIM FOR THE HAT and follows the guy into the bathroom LOL. graham said if he actually came out with the hat we should probably run because that meant the guy was probably unconscious on the bathroom floor, but we didn't actually think biff was going to come out with the hat on his head UNTIL HE DID, LIKE, 10 MINUTES LATER. funniest thing ever.

until he told us the guy wanted me to flash him if i wanted to keep the hat. biff also said the guy's friend, who was kind of attractive, had another hat that he would also give to us if all four of us flashed him. so usually i would say um, fuck no, but i was really drunk, and we decided to mull it over for a while while ordering two pizzas. biff was going back and forth between tables to bargain for us, but it eventually got to the point where alex, daren and i said we'd do it but claire was still saying NO THANKS. somehow biff managed to convince her because SOMEBODY TOLD US we wouldn't have to show boobs, just our bras - so we beckon the guy and his friend over, all four of us actually stand up and flash our bras holy crap i have never done anything like this before - and the guy snatches his fucking hat back because he was expecting boobs. sorry, pal, you are a loser with glasses and chin length hair who probably just saw more cleavage than you ever have in your life, take what you can get. SO DISAPPOINTING!

apparently there was a misunderstanding with what the terms and conditions were. anyway. the loser's attractive friend liked daren, but after that entire thing daren was basically of the opinion that he was a perv, so no go there. we told biff and graham we deserved something for our effort so they bought the entire table another round of tequila shots! that we did straight because the waitress was slow in bringing our limes and salt :|. at some point biff said he'd drop his pants if any of us got a hat for him, but we never thought it would happen until out of the blue alex goes to the bathroom and comes back with a VELVET LEPRECHAUN HAT WITH A FEATHER STICKING OUT OF IT. holy shitttt. all of us were literally like :OOO WHERE DID YOU GET THAT. she said she met a guy coming out of the bathroom and asked him where he got his hat, and he gave it to her in exchange for a kiss. LOL! i love single!alex. so, biff dropped his pants. i was laughing too hard at this point to really see much, but claire said he dropped everythinggg - boxers and all. ew. glad i didn't see that.

another minute and the guy who alex got the hat from came over and asked for her number, to which she said no thanksss, but offered to buy him a beer instead. daren and i for some reason also bought biff and graham car bombs before they left because they were driving to blackhawk (biff is a pro poker player?). after they left daren is on my left saying she is in love with graham and has texted biff about him, and on my right is the guy who gave alex the hat (ian) hitting on alex. and then daren texts saul!!! to come meet us because he is downtown too with his new gf, and when he comes in i run over to greet him and when i come back to our table all of the sudden there are like, 15 guys sitting with us now.

apparently they are all ian's friends, apparently they're all in the air force, and i am really drunk and don't actually give a shit until one of them gives me like 10 strands of green beads and starts to hit on me. he is wearing a slouchy beanie and a big sweater and tight pants, is really cute, (and a hipster,) and he keeps telling me how beautiful and cute i am!!! he says his last name is stuart but won't give me his first name because he says he wants to ~be mysterious~ lmfao idek, and i don't learn that it's brandon until about 10 minutes later. so, i'm not the smoothest operator when i'm drunk so i just keep laughing and telling him he's being extremely forward and how extremely drunk he also is. i can also play his game, so i tell him my last name, the first letter of my first name when i'm typing my number in his phone, anddd that's it. he asks me to go outside with him but i'm like buddy, i don't know you - i don't think so. apparently during all this alex has made friends with another airforce guy, anthony, and ian has moved on to hit on claire who apparently kissed him too!? but i missed all of this.

after this we leave with saul and gf heidi and walk down a couple blocks to pat's, another bar where daren knows the dj from her work. he plays all the songs we request and we danceeeeee until the bar closes :D. claire texts ian and alex and i tell her to tell ian to come to pat's and bring anthony and brandon! but ian tells claire that anthony is MARRIED and brandon has a girlfriend. greaaat. so forget them, saul buys us another round of tequila shots, and we just continue dancing. on our way back home claire gives me a piggy back, we witness another fight on the light rail jfc, and then we walk back to claire's house and i pass out on her couch.

and then brandon texts me the next day and i decide i don't really give a fuck about the girlfriend situation! we try to meet up but it does not work out and so we just continue talking via phone and it is good until...now, three weeks later and i am wholly disinterested in him because i'm flighty and he's too available and too interested and eager and just ugh. i guess i will have to cut him out of my life like an asshole.)

tangent ii: spring break itinerary //
fri, mar11 daren picks me up from airport, chipotle for lunch, relax at home :)
sat, mar12 koreahouse & lollicup w daren, free promotional shirt for sucker punch
sun, mar13 church, lunch at panera w ivo, boulder meeting w churchies, claire's house to chill w daren and claire (clap on! clap off!), jurassic park w qq
mon, mar14 gtop dvd!, relax
tue, mar15 give dad a full makeover to show mom how to do makeup, pinkberry w daren & claire
wed, mar16 haircut at great asian salon, feather search and ulta trip and chipotle for dinner and princess and the frog!! w daren & claire
thu, mar17 lol st patricks day at tilted kilt shenanigans (see above)
fri, mar18 lollicup w qq, dinner at thai restaurant w churchies, cupcakes at the shoppe in capitol hill w daren & alex & claire
sat, mar19 makeup consult by urban decay at ulta w daren & michelle, chipotle for lunch, shopping at cherry creek w daren & claire & michelle, dinner at maggianos w family

however, despite being out more than i stayed at home, i did somehow convince my entire family to go out to eat at maggiano's to celebrate both michelle and dad's birthdays. this was somewhat of a small victory for me, since my mom and my grandma rarely like going out to eat because they're such picky eaters. plus my dad got incredibly cranky about how late i made the reservation for (8:45) and for the first time in a while i saw him get unreasonably pouty with me! but it still ended up being a great night. the food was delicious, especially the mussels in white wine and the gnocchi in vodka sauce, and our server gave us free smore cakes after i told him about the birthdays. qq lovedd the food, michelle was happy because she wanted italian all along and didn't actually think she was going to get it, and dad ate over half the mussels i think, haha. mom kept commenting about the greatness of the restaurant and looked continually impressed by how... sophisticated? i guess is the right word... i was.

i guess i do feel more and more like a growned up every time i'm back home, now. i ordered a glass of moscato at dinner and the night before and the server almost forgot to ask to see my ID. when i was out with my older friends at a thai restaurant who used to treat me like a baby, their was no age rift in our conversation this time and it just felt... weird. in a good way. you know? we talked about the job market and alexandra wallace and i asked them to tone down the asian-to-white prejudice and we discussed thailand. i've traveled more than some of them. it's just weird, suddenly i've crossed over from 21 to "in my 20's" and i'm suddenly no longer a child. the next landmark age is, what? 25? 30? i drive my own car and i pay bills and grocery shop and clean house and i chaperone teenagers and i'm networking for a job - a career - after i graduate in about a month. A MONTH. i feel old 8(

i've kept this blog for over a year now. i plan to keep it after graduating because i don't think i will ever run out of stories to remember or inner turmoil to work out or lists to make, so it will definitely be interesting to see where life takes me when i look back on my life in another year. i wonder where i will be.

for now, i can't wait for may 15th, when i get to leave syracuse with it's 63 days of sunshine on average a year, and instead trade it for denver again, with it's 290~ days of sun. i haven't been in denver for septembers, for octobers, for februaries and aprils, since 2007. with my seasonal depression in mind, it means i'll be happy again for at least 290~ days of the year. it'll be a good change :).

mood_ anxious
music_ 2 am - anna nalick
crave_ chipotle

Labels: alcohol, bars, boys, family, friends, good things, graduation, holidays, life, love

boston.

day one/friday feb 4

- brunch at trident bookstore & cafe
  ; smoked salmon scramble & thai chai with tapioca
- shopping on newbury street
  ; zara, h&m, thom brown, forever 21, marc jacobs, johnny cupcake
- cupcakes at sweet
  ; sweet cream w chocolate icing
- light dinner at alicia's apt
- world-famous violinist joshua bell concert at symphony hall
  ; schubert, grieg, chopin
- dinner & drinks w joshua bell!!! at top of the hub in prudential tower
  ; pomegranate martini, classic mojito, appetizers +10, all complimentary of josh

day two/saturday feb 5

- lunch at pho pasteur, chinatown
  ; rare steak pho & thai tea
- exploring, theatre district & boston commons park
- shopping & snacking, franieul place
  ; chocolate covered strawberries, owl necklace, sequined bow headband
- coffee at cafe vittoria, little italy
  ; iced latte macchiato & pistachio gelato
- snacking at alicia's apt
- pick up alex at train station, south end
- howl at the moon live music club, downtown
  ; $50 buckets of cocktail, dancing, bachelorette parties, etc.
- late dinner/drunk munchies at brunowski's bar & pub
  ; barbeque bacon burger & fries
- drunk munchies $2 pizza slices, back bay

day three/sunday feb 6

- brunch at leo's, harvard square
  ; bagel w lox, tomato, red onion & orange juice & oatmeal w blueberries
- shopping, harvard square
  ; cute japanese stores, little boutiques, candy stores
- dropping alex off at red line
- bubble tea at tealine, harvard square
  ; jasmine milk tea w tapioca
- shopping, harvard square
  ; urban outfitters, more boutiques ie. alo
- exploring, m.i.t & m.i.t bridge
- dinner at giacomo's, little italy
  ; calamari & mussels/clam fettuccini in la diavolo sauce extra spicy
- famous canoles at mike's pastry, little italy
  ; turtle florentino canole

day four/monday feb 7

- lunch at barada, cambridge
  ; lamb kebab w rice & pita w cucumber/mint yogurt
- starbucks break, cambridge
- espresso royale, back bay
  ; crimson berry iced tea
- light dinner at au bon pain
  ; tuscan chicken on raisin ciabatta & orange mango nectar

shopping spoils

- steve madden combat boots, black
- high-waisted highwater pants w belt, khaki
- translucent crocheted oversize cropped sweater, gold & purple
- cropped rolling stones graphic tee, black
- nautical striped v-neck sweater, heather & navy
- slouch crocheted socks, cream
- armor ring, silver
- animal ring set of five, gold
- marc jacobs heart necklace, red w gold chain
- oversize wayfarers, tortoiseshell
- owl necklace, pewter & black
- pikachu beret (for qin2)
- peacock feather stretch belt
- cropped striped graphic tee, blue & white
- oxfords, sparkly black
- factory by erik hart strapless sweetheart structured dress, rainbow print

Labels: birthday, friends, holidays, life, love, weekly sum-up

ughhhh, new semester. and my last semester - ever. when did i get so fucking old? (it's already getting tiring whenever i catch myself saying something to the extent of "this is the last january 25th i will ever have as a student." "this is the last syllabus and class introduction i will ever read or say." "this is the last batch of textbooks i will ever buy." jfc.) i don't even know where to start. which means, list.

classes, credits, graduation. i've figured out a way around spending tons of money on textbooks which i skim once and then attempt to sell back for only one-fifteenth - if that - of the price that i paid: don't buy them at all. obviously this doesn't always apply because certain classes guarantee a FAIL if you don't read and study it all, but. i cut corners where i can. (this is made up by the fact that i have to buy other shit now: dv tapes, external hds, "miracle ear" earpieces for on-the-air, audio recorders :||| i should've gone into magazine.) i'm taking a total of 12 credits (!!!) but it feels more like 18 thanks to bdj465, in which i got the most frequent rotation of the position i ABSOLUTELY DID NOT WANT. reporter. fuck you reporting, i hate you right now with no car and in the middle of winter. but after pouting and stewing about it for four days, i'm mostly over it and just have resigned myself to stressing out every monday night until halfway through february. talking to the other reporters stuck in the same situation has calmed me down, though, since nobody else seems to care that much. my fiction workshop is predictably filled with every single weird kid in syracuse who i've never seen till now, ever - but i like the professor. sociology of asian americans is basically a repeat of asian studies 101 = easy a = zero time spent + a lot of frustration at the kids who don't know the shit i do now. communications law is more fun than i thought it would be, mostly because dean rubin is one of the best professors i've come across in my entire educational experience. i'm not taking anything pass/fail though i could've, but after the records office told me i wouldn't be eligible for deans list if i did, i decided not to :|. i'm asian, hey. but! i am on track to graduation and will be graduating with a total of one (lol) credit more than i need. and i've never sunk below a b my entire college career (i'm asian, hey?) so COME MAY I AM GOING TO TUCK YOU UNDER MY BELT AND NEVER LOOK BACK, SYRACUSE. OVERALL GRADE: A

social life: ehhh. like i said before, most of my friends are abroad the entire year because they're on the five year track, so i still don't really have a lot of people here :( and my weekends and free time have definitely suffered because of that. i've come to the new conclusion that i'm less confident in myself when my friends aren't around; they didn't even have to be in the same classes for me to be more sure of myself when answering questions or just generally when i was being outspoken in class, but just knowing that they were there in the nearby vicinity and not halfway around the world was more comforting. i still talk too much in class but i'm not friendly about it nor am i approachable, and even i can tell. it bothers me a little that only now am i discovering that despite my path to ~independence~ and strong!womanhood, i still need people who like me to validate how i feel about myself to a certain extent... but i will never be that person who can be happy without friends. and right now i don't have a lot :| so..... i'm just reading a lot of novels on my to-read list from forever (which is good, i'm glad i'm finally doing that) and wasting more time with movies and new television shows and online and at the teahouse/library/starbucks. but it's only for another three months, and is broken up by my birthday weekend (see below) and spring break at home with everybody there and in time to celebrate st patricks day!!!! so it's all right. OVERALL GRADE: C-

birthday: subset of social life i guess but i'm too excited about this to put it under my sad social standing :(. one of the things my group of friends back in denver and i did too little of was take trips together! we always talked about scheduling cruises or roadtripping to california or going to vegas, but not until now have we finally set up a trip to boston for my birthday!!!!! EEEEEE!!!! alex and i have been there before (as well as alicia, but she doesn't really count since she goes to school there) but never with daren, never for anything special. so this time, even though boston - like all of the east coast - is snowed the fuck in which means it will be cold as shit and i will have perpetual woolen!hat hair and ugly coat and salt crust on my boots, i am so happy about it that i don't even care. weather conditions, bring it on!! we are also celebrating chinese new year so i'm going to haul them to chinatown. and i don't know what else alicia has scheduled, but she says she's packed full our weekend :DD we were supposed to go this weekend - so i would've been landing right now - but snow happened and daren's flight was canceled so we all pushed it back another weekend (also this way alex can most likely come too). i hope most of our plans revolves around food. and clubs! and alcohol. n_n february 4th to 7thhhhh and i'm missing monday class but DO I CARE, NO. OVERALL GRADE: A+

love life: another subset of social life i guess, but uhh nothing is going on. joe and i are friends at this point and for a variety of reasons i've already talked about, i'm not making a huge (read: any) effort so he's seemed to pick up on it and is just friendly joe instead of forward!flirty!joe. his roommate is nice... and i finally figured out his name is samuel, but he isn't exactly the tallest guy and while it's okay if i adapt to wearing flats, i have way too many heels i've broken in to not wear them. i put my feet through hell getting used to heels, they aren't switching back for a guy. this may be jumping the gun. like i told mom, i'm not interested in making boys a priority until everything else in my life is settled down and stable. this may mean i will be a 35 yr old single girl. i hope that doesn't happen, so maybe i will compromise and say if i'm 28 and have no prospects, i will actively start looking even if everything else in my life is fucked up. OVERALL GRADE: N/A

bills, job hunt, responsibilites: terrible LOL. i started out on fire bc the first thing i did when i got here on the 17th was clean the counters & fridge, sweep, and vacuum the entire apartment. .....and that's about it. there is a pile of dishes in the sink, my trash can is overflowing, and i'm running out of things to wear because it's all in the laundry. also one of my suitcases with most of my packed clothes from home is still sitting on the floor. i just paid the utilities bill for january; have not dropped off rent checks for december or january; and i don't have any contact solution (THOUGH I TRIED!!! stopped off at the student bookstore today to get toothpaste and face wash but they didn't have clear care :| and i can't use regular solution) and am trying to figure out how i can go without it until monday bc i'm too lazy to bundle up and slip&slide all the way down to cvs to get myself some. have not gone grocery shopping yet. have not networked a whole lot even though i should and all the contact information is just sitting on my desk. i think the fact that adam sucks at checking his email and never replied to my thank-you i sent him over the holidays discouraged me andddd i should schedule something with the cdc for therapy. oh my god. i'm making myself depressed. i'm a bad adult. OVERALL GRADE: D

health: i sleep at least around 6-7 hours per night during the weeknights i have class (m-thu), and thennn weekends around 10-12 hours, usually between 5 am to an indecent hour of the afternoon that i would rather not say. most days i end up eating one meal and a half. sometimes i eat two meals... but the hours are questionable because of my weekend sleep patterns and because i have class when lunch is usually happening for normal people. as an example that epitomizes this: last night (wednesday night) i slept from 4 to 11 am; went to class until 2; ordered a chai tea latte and a raspberry croissant at the library; another class till six; ate three slices of pizza and a huge cinnamon bun my roommate made; napped (i know, it's terrible to sleep right after you eat but i made the mistake of thinking i could stay awake curled up in bed with my book. wrong!) until 11; dressed somewhat decently before going across the hall to joe's apt where he and his roommate and a few other girls from the hallway were having a party in the dinky apartment; came back at 1:30 and proceeded to do nothing on the computer until 5 am when i ate another half of a cinnamon bun and then showered and now it's 8:30 am and i'm here. i'm in deep denial about having to grow up and operate on normal hours, clearly. as an addendum, the skin on my face is freaking out and getting really, really dry. some parts are peeling constantly, and it almost feels like ecsema except it's not irritating or painful save for when i put makeup (concealer) on the affected areas. i have no idea what to do, if it's a side effect of my keratosis pilaris, what :|. however, i'm not exactly surprised because it's happened pretty much every winter since high school, so i just slather on moisturizer and facial butter and mostly ignore it. i should probably schedule a full-body exam when i get back to denver for spring break though. OVERALL GRADE: D+

writing: better!!! i just need to stop forcing it and write when i feel like it. stop tinkering around with it so much and trying to mold myself into a style that is clearly not me. the professor in my fiction workshop told us about how he wanted to be like garcia marquez for the better part of a year once and everything he was writing was turning out like bad marquez... and then he got over it and figured out something that worked for him. you can admire other people's work, analyze and break it down and play around with it yourself and adapt some elements into your own writing, but if you never get over them and onto something else, then you won't ever be a real writer, he said. i think my growing pains are mostly over, despite the terrible flash fiction i wrote in class that i have no idea what it was about. dads and moms and peeling wallpaper and hongkong ghettos and mining factories??? what??? OVERALL GRADE: B+

don't really know what to say as an ending........ i'm a bad adult.

mood_ over it
music_ don't look now ft. keri hilson - far-east movement
crave_ chipotle

Labels: boys, food, friends, graduation, health, holidays, life, money, reading, school, stress, weekly sum-up, writing

i have five posts lined up but i'm going to write about last night first because, one, daren veronica fisher who i have known since we were eight years old graduated college, and two, i need to make myself stop spending money on shit that makes me sick regardless if i pace myself.

graduation.
i got mcdonalds in the car for lunch on the way to boulder, classy lady that i am. gemma, daren's family, and i watched daren walk at 2 pm! the ceremony was relatively short (around an hour) which was nice because her mom was worried about our dinner reservations at 4, and also i just hate sitting through fucking long ceremonies when all you want to get to is the part where you're involved (weddings, graduation, inductions, confirmations, baptisms, etc). the speaker was this lady from the now defunct rocky mountain news who started her own eyewitness news program, and i feel like she was going for something completely different in her speech than what she actually achieved, which was, it is hard to find a job right now and you all are competing with veteran journalists and if you don't love this career more than your SOUL then you better quit now and oh ps social media blah blah blah power. also she was really softspoken and slow - a clear marker of her print career as opposed to broadcast. anyway. afterwards they had a reception with cheese and fruit but no wine (???) and we gtfo after taking a few pictures. graduated!!!!


dinner @ brasserie ten ten.
such a classy restaurant. megan met us there to eat. gemma and i were like, this is basically like where we want to be able to spend our time all the time in the future when we're ~made successful women~. her parents paid for everything and told us to order whatever we wanted, plus it was happy hour, so even though it was an odd hour to be eating dinner, we had mignonette oysters (L O V E), salmon tartare, ham & cheese crepes, olive tapenade (love), a shitload of fries, mussels w italian sausage, escargot (i ate... none ha), artichoke & spinach ricotta, and we all got drinks. i got a vin d'orange martini which was listed as some sort of "light" white wine i don't remember and fresh oranges, but it tasted like straight alcohol and i was kind of happily buzzed after that haha. daren's bellinitini and gemma's cherry lemon-drop were delisshhhh, though. i started feeling really sleepy after we ate (dim candlelights, drink in my system, full and happy in a warm environment) which, for once, was fine because we had so much time before we usually go out, so i was like, i'm gonna take a 5 hr power nap when we get to the hotel and i felt like i was a college freshman again, ha.

hotel boulderado.
KEEPING UP THE CLASS. i guess the hotel was built in 1909 and since its opening they haven't really changed the layout or renovated the "look" at all, so it still is reminiscent of the early 1900's. there are bellhops everywhere, an elevator straight out of the titanic movie with an operator, floral wallpaper and sweeping oak staircases and dumbwaiters. there was a guest check-in list on display from the hotel's opening night right next to like a 25-foot christmas tree. we were upgraded (either bc of her parents or bc the receptionist decided to be nice when she heard about the graduation) from a full double to a queen suite, and our room was so, so amazing. a living room with l.e.d plasma screen tv, couches and glass tables and chaises and a full wet bar, then a hallway with a legitimate powder room and divided bathroom, then our bedroom with another television, two queen-size beds, more couches, and another door to a closet and the hallway. i feel like i shouldn't get this excited about a hotel room lol, but it was furnished again, like the early 1900's and it was amazing.

anyway, megan, daren, gemma and i somehow smooshed ourselves on one tiny couch with a quilt and watched the incredibles on hbo, then 17 again ha-ha-ha awkward times, and then gemma and i got hungry and ordered room service: steamed edamame and hot wings. the room service delivery boy was really cute and he made light conversation but i was so hungry i was more fixated on the wings and i think i left most of the talking to gemma except when i told him i disagreed with him about how to train your dragon being boring. at this point we'd moved to our bedroom and were lounging around on our beds being lazy as shit and halfway between sleep and wake, and it got to be around 10:30 when taryn and louise were going to meet up with us and i didn't want daren's parents to have wholly wasted their money on this lavish hotel room so we decided to get ready even though gemma said her stomach wasn't feeling great. i changed out of my dress into what i had packed that morning in the span of a minute, which was a sequin tank top and zip-up leggings. LOL. aka i was freezing all night.


half-fast subs.
we hailed a cab to this college bar that apparently had $7 pitchers and was a good place to pre-game, despite it being the trashiest frat-boy place i had ever been in, lol. the bartender (cashier? hardly a bartender) looked like tyler from vampire diaries, aka he was really cute and i was staring at him the entire time we were there. i decided not to get really drunk yet and ordered a 16oz. glass of "megarita" which daren said was great but i didn't particularly like (but finished anyways, plus whatever surplus daren apparently poured into my glass from her pitcher when i wasn't looking!). daren and megan both got INDIVIDUAL pitchers of megaritas and strong islands; gemma didn't get anything bc of her stomach, and we sat around watching the nuggets game for a while before we decided to go back to meet taryn and louise at our hotel again. while waiting for our cab, we stopped off at the gas station next door and for some reason i thought it'd be a good idea to eat between drinking so i got a slim jim (!?!) and proceeded to make gemma sicker.

catacombs bar.
gemma decided to stay in because she really wasn't feeling very well anymore, so after we met up with t & l, we went downstairs to the neighboring bar that was P A C K E D. i could barely even move to push myself through the crowd. we spent so much money at that bar, oh my god. i think i only got a vodka cranberry and a gin and tonic, but everybody else was taking shots, and getting beers, and etc etc etc. at one point i saw this guy brush past me who i thought i recognized, but i was like "...that can't be him......." until i followed him through a hallway and realized it was MATT FROM TAIWAN, OMG HOW WEIRD!!! i definitely have to hang out more with that kid before break is over.

after i rejoined the group who was now talking to two stranger boys whose names i never heard over the din of the bar, we decided to leave bc they were coming on really strong and it was creepy and we wanted to go check on gemma and make it to the club before everything shut down at 2 am (BOULDER IS LAAAAAME IN THAT RESPECT.) i probably should've been more sympathetic to gemma, but louise and i really wanted to go clubbing so we were in the hotel room for like 2 minutes before l & i were like LETS GOOOOOO.


around midnight club.
we got there at like, 1:10. at this point i had so many stamps on my hand that the bartender didn't believe that i'd had my hand stamped ~_~ but we got fuzzy navel shots and then went to go dance. i knew like aaalllll the songs, hay, and who would've though i'd ever be dancing to whip my hurr but i did :|. i was pretty smashed ok. there were a string of creepers we had to dance away from lol like every five minutes, it was so annoying, plus they closed it down in less than an hour, yet daren still managed to be found by this guy in one of her classes who i thought was her friend at first, but later recognized as the guy she's talked about before as a hxc drug dealer who she's tried to avoid for pretty much the whole year (matt). his tall ass friend sacha was also there. i guess (?) he was trying to make conversation but i couldn't hear him so i yelled my name and no i wasn't graduating into his ear before giving up talking. and we all danced for a while but eventually lost each other in the crowd. after daren, louise, and megan finished their beers, the place announced last call, and then we left.

new orleans creeps, 3ft tall indian creep, matt & sacha's house....
we met these three blond boys from new orleans not even two minutes after walking out of the bar, and at first they seemed really chill and one of them was shipping off to the marines today (we even took pictures with all of them 8|) so we were like YA OK LETS GO SOMEWHERE TO EAT OR STHNG... but none of us were srs, and then after louise heard the to-be-marine tell the other one WE'RE GETTING SOME SLUTS TONIGGGGHT i was like yea ok bye.

we were all really hungry so we tried finding someplace to eat, and while i was yelling about food we got flagged down by three other guys, one of whom was indian and named MANAB lol and was from canada, and i definitely ate half his quesedilla before i knew his name. he was hitting on me a lot :| and i was drunk so i was like YAAAAAA but i was just being friendly ~_~. one of his friends from long island was pretty cute, i think? but manab was taking up so much of my time and he was like fuckin short as hell and i was like gtfo. but we started walking and they kept following us, even when sacha found us again and was like I MADE TIRAMISU, DO YOU GUYS WANT SOME and we decided to walk all the way to his fuckin apartment which was like 12 blocks away, in the blizzarding snow. with manab and co. in tow even though his friends weren't that enthusiastic to follow four stranger girls and a stranger boy to his apt.

my fingers were freezing off and i was complaining lol, and i think at this point i realized sacha was ~interested~ in... w/e, getting in my leggings bc he took my hand and like put his arm around me and i was like OKAY I'LL LET YOU BC I'M DRUNK AND IDC AND I'M COLD. and then i would run off and wait for daren and he'd switch to louise, it was riiiidiiicullouusss this boy. i think he was cute (thought he was cute) but i don't have the greatest track record with being able to tell while inebriated thanks to my beer goggles being the fucking worst thing in the world. i've jumped on some boys i thought were cute who actually were not.

so at his apartment we ate the tiramisu which was really good, and then this pizza he made which was also rly good, and the entire time sacha was like telling us how he looooved cooking and matt brought him an apron and ... matt was like OH YA I CAN SALSA and i was like oh great, i cant, and he tried making me get up from my spot on the couch to teach me but i was like uh no, so he and sacha demonstrated instead 8|. also matt told me he got his tweed blazer from the women's section of some store and i was like okkkkk you are not gdragon, nor asian, idk how i feel about this information.

also sacha kept trying to hold my hand, or he'd have his arm thrown across my legs, etcetera, and he was asking me shit like what my bow ring meant and i was like ... it means nothing, wtf? and then he asked what the other ring meant (the silver one on my fourth finger) and i was like LOL I'M MARRIED. i left to wash my hands and when i got back megan and louise scooted over on the couch so i wouldn't have to sit next to him anymore, and later he like hovered over louise instead. she later said he asked her when she was leaving and if they could basically stay with each other and fuck. ummmmm.

our cab that daren called finally got here and when she was like CAB, TIME TO GO we all basically booked it the fuck out of there even though sacha pulled me into a hug i didn't want :|. we all ran down the stairs and out the door before i noticed i didn't have my camera. louise and i tried pressing random door numbers to see if anybody would let us in because we didn't know which room they were in but it didn't work so we just went back to our hotel so daren could call matt and ask him about my camera. they told us they could drop it off right then.... so we waited for them in the lobby.

they came in wheeling themselves on one of those luggage carts, and the night receptionist got hella pissed and was like that cost $3000 and he watched them until they left, even though they started shouting things at him o m g. also matt left a pic of him mooning us on my camera, lovely. when we finally got back to our room gemma said somebody had knocked on it earlier and we figured it was those two boys from catacombs, bc they were in the same hotel as us, and DAREN told them our room number and somebody agreed to shotgun beers in their tub later. i showered, we all passed out.

morning.
we got up at around 9:30 and checked out by 10. i was feeling fine when i got up, but the more i moved around and then after i was in the car, a huge ass hangover decided to kick in. i mean pounding headache, rampant nausea, dizziness, etc. it took us an hr to get back to denver, then we had to drop louise home, get gas, etc...... ugh i thought i was gonna throw up and i didn't even say bye to daren and gemma, i just got in my car and drove home, brushed my teeth, and passed out in bed until 4:30.

happy graduation.

mood_ dizzy
music_ HIGH HIGH - GD&TOP
crave_ crabcakes

Labels: alcohol, bad things, bars, boys, food, friends, good things, graduation, life

i am thankful for.

1. family, how much unconditional love i am shown*
2. friends, from the bars to the wish you were here's to the snarry talk
3. cross-country flights, only six hours from home at any given moment
4. good food, cars to get to them, memories made at them
5. retail therapy, retail guilt, responsibility
6. only twelve days until i am home again
7. livejournal, instant messenger, twitter. larger borders, more friends, more cross-continental connections than i ever thought i'd have, less loneliness, more laughter.

i need to.

1. be able to apologize when i am clearly in the wrong instead of just letting time resolve the conflict.
2. show more love and patience and selflessness to mom, dad, q2, grandma.
3. appreciate baby while she's still here.
4. read more. be inspired by more. appreciate my surroundings.
5. smile.
6. learn more responsibility for my money, which at this moment, is not mine.
7. eat healthier. sleep more.

i bought.

1. victoria's secret underwear, 5 pairs
2. victoria's secret every-wear bra, gray
3. ruffle-collar peacoat, light gray
3. wool zip-up with hood, dark gray
4. fur-lined hoodie, heather
5. nautical crew-neck long-sleeve tee, white & navy striped
6. cotton zip-up leggings, black
7. sterling silver crystal bow ring
8. black cuff with gold embedded stones
9. suede & lace shrunken sweatshirt, dark gray
10. gold-buttoned striped cardigan, brown & navy
11. two-finger horizontal studded cross ring, gold
12. three-finger bar ring, gold
13. sequined silk-screen graphic tank, light gray
14. metallic circle scarf, purple/silver

i did.

wed.NOV24/kbbq at korea house with daren, ear piercings with caibao, thanksgiving service at church with everyone
thu.NOV25/kung fu panda & lotr2 with q2 and dad, hot pot dinner with family, dessert w family friends, pretty woman with parents
fri.NOV26/outlet mall shopping with q2, eat at home, cherry creek mall shopping with daren, pho with daren ivo wayne mike (!!!) ken rachel tram etc etc, lollicup with daren

*=i found.
from Liping.Yu@uchsc.edu
to asianxchopsticks@gmail.com
date Wed, Aug 29, 2007 at 9:23 AM
subject Hi

Hi Chen Chen,

I have mailed your Debit Card to you yesterday and please let me know as soon as you receive it. You need to use your IN# every time you use the card. But do not write down your IN# and put together with your card, this will be very dangerous.

Qin Qin and Mom wrote a letter to you and I will put into the mail today. Mom doesn’t know how to write the letter in English, so she spoke and Qin Qin wrote down for her. We all miss you so much.

I still encourage you to read the bible often and it will benefit to your whole life.

Love,
Dad

Labels: family, fashion, friends, good things, holidays, life, likes, love, money, weekly sum-up

the only times i want to blog is when i'm closing in on only getting 5 hrs of sleep for the night or when i'm swamped with homework and grownedup shit. when i'm free for an afternoon, i end up marathoning antm or old seasons of project runway or wasting away at the teahouse/library/various states of unconsciousness. this is my life as we know it, lol. i better make something out of myself, and soon, before i permanently fuse with this ridiculousness.

school is school is school. it's getting to be that particular point in every semester where i reach a comfortable stretch of mind and just stop caring so much and start coasting along. i'm far along enough in my classes that i am familiar with the material, know what i'm doing, and have started ditching whenever i feel like i want a nap or some bubble tea instead. with far fewer friends this year, i'm surprised at how well i am adjusting to the concept and reality of being my own company a lot. this makes me sound kind of pathetic and lonely but i'm actually all right. it was a struggle the first few weeks because i'd come home and want somebody to just be available to go to starbucks with, or just unwind and talk about whatever for a few hours, and more often than not there wouldn't be anyone - but i think i like the idea of evolving into more independence. having friends is great and i miss them - my skype and tokbox and webcam are wearing out from talking to them - but i need to get used to doing things on my own. i think i was like that already to a degree, what with it practically coming with the contract of being the oldest child, but some things, like eating and grocery shopping and i don't know, going to resume seminars, i always did with somebody else. so this year, i'm largely forced to do most of it alllll byyy mahself and idk, it's not as bad as i thought it'd be. kind of wuliao and fantastically boring after a while but i could've quit it with half the dramatics i put everybody through when i'd whined about it.

getting back on the subject of classes themselves, a few things i am proud of myself for: i am on top of my time management this year. so far, at least. i don't know how and when and why this happened (maybe that i actually always keep icalender open?), but at least for the midterms this time around, i am a fuckin time management GOD. this is entirely lame, being so proud of myself for being able to do something i should've been apt at since grade school, but i have always been queen procrastinator. putting things off till the night before, writing papers an hour before class, half-assing assignments with the bs skillz i learned in ib ~ you name it, except blatant cheating, and i have done it just to get the end result of a decent grade. (how am i still an honors student? how the fuck was i nominated for one of five newhouse scholar positions this year!?) but anyway, for this weeks midterms (that just ended) i started studying ahead of time, i read mostly all the material, i took really great notes i kind of want to scan into the computer just to show everybody (:|), and come this week, i wasn't actually all that strained for study time. so, snaps for summer. never mind the fact that i put off buying my textbooks and didn't have a text for the anthro midterm this morning, aka i think i didn't do that hot.......... i'm just really glad this week is 95% over. three midterms and a video project, orz. also, i'm applying to things i normally would've just been too lazy for last year - getting nominated for newhouse scholar kind of kicked me in the ass in the good way! really i just felt like yea, i do deserve to be here, i am as good as all of you if i got nominated for this by the dean of the school, and i'm just volunteering for shit and filling out apps and THIS DOESN'T SOUND LIKE ANYTHING TO BE PROUD OF BUT I DON'T DO THIS STUFF OKAY.

on another note, tv/digital news reporting practicum is really stressing me out. every other week we switch off between, 1, actually going off campus, finding news worthy stories, shooting, reporting, and editing all of it to turn the entire video project in by midnight - and, 2, practicing our reporting in the live labs that are about as much fun and inviting as an interrogation room with bright lights and about six cameras trained on you (six cameras with the most unflattering lens EVER. not only do you gain 10 pounds, you are automatically washed out and looking like you're there for your mug shots. there's some footage i won't ever be putting on my resume tape). yesterday my partner for the week and i did a news story on high school safety - after the usual hair-tear-age at the lack of cooperative interviewee sources and shooting subjects, we finished shooting at around 4 pm. and i was in the edit suites until 9:45 pm. i would've stayed longer because i wasn't 100% satisfied with neither my script nor my video, but i still had anthropology to study for, and i hadn't eaten since noon, and i was literally falling asleep in those stupid edit suites. (and i still managed to forget to turn in my script.) i'm going to be so glad when this class is over. it's kind of one of those "let's thrust you straight into the situation and let you flounder around until you finally get a grip on it! we'll put you in worst case scenarios so anything in the real world will be so easy for you!" situations. i don't even know what to do with myself. i'm so stressed every single wednesday. the professional reporters i went out with this summer during my internship definitely had an easier job than we do right now.

i'm also so mad at myself with how much money i have spent this month. i hate hate hate hate hate it. the bulk of it has been on things for the apartment, groceries and meals, and rent - but i did go shopping at carousel last weekend and spent $160; bought another longchamp bag for class for $156; online shopped for a little bit and spent $57; i consistently get chai lattes and iced caramel frappes and lemon pound cakes at starbucks; and idk, i just feel really guilty about it. shopping is my addiction, i willingly admit it. HELLO MY NAME IS SUMMER AND I AM A SHOPAHOLIC. i will check myself into a psych ward after graduation and get some r&r time about it. this is why i need to marry a rich man, see? anyway, i have always spent a shit ton of money - but i guess the distinction this time is that i consistently feel terrible about it. with rent and textbooks and utilities and time warner cable and food and everything else we have to pay, i hate that i'm still so effing materialistic and i get food cravings a lot and i just have to have another coffee. growing up doesn't seem so much fun after all if i'm only 21 and the only thing i can think about are bills. anyway, it's the last day of september which provides a nice sort of close on the whole thing, so i'm going to call my parents, cry to mama about how bad i feel, and then stop spending so much on what i don't need. rent, utilities, cable, and food that costs less than my meal plans for the dining hall previous years (which, at least at night, is $16 per meal. WHAT A RIPOFF, even if our dining hall food is great). that's it for me. unless i find that perfect blazer i've been looking for. jk.

other than that: i had a brief three-day worry over rooming with kelly when she started getting pissy about random things like separating our dishes and foodstuffs and studying in the same room, but it's all good now after we talked and i realized she's just stressed out. the girl gets about 5 hrs of sleep on a good night and honestly, i had no idea how much work she did for vpa till i am witness to it every night. idek. i am consistently humbled when i complain to her about how much work i have and she makes a little comment like "ya, i have 102960984635 projects right now" and i feel like the biggest idiot, making mountains out of molehills. and about the dishes/foodstuffs shit, she said she's just anal about it. and she's a lot less stressed this year! supposedly! so anyway everything is fine and she's great and we're good.

also, i'm having some sort of weird recurring three-minute taiwanese drama with my two hallmates who live across the hall. i put most of it on my livejournal right here, but basically i don't know what's going on inside this guy joe's (or his roommate's, for now still named boy 2) head and what exactly he wants or if i'm just some sort of ego booster for him. whatever, i can't afford to care that much anyway, and i think he's a junior. why does this always happen to me? does my face scream cougar to you?

ACTUALLY LEAH SAYS I LOOK LIKE FEI FROM MISS A. SO HATERS TO THE LEFT BC FEI IS HOT.

(ALSO I TALKED TO STEFANO TONCHI, EDITOR IN CHIEF OF W MAGAZINE, TODAY TO SET UP AN INTERVIEW WITH HIM FOR MY W PROFILE FOR MAGCLASS. AND I'M STILL STARRRRSTRUCK (baby could you blow my heart up).

mood_ okay
music_ what you know about that - t.i.
crave_ christmas?

Labels: boys, figuring things out, food, friends, life, money, school, stress, weekly sum-up

and sometimes,

Labels: friends, good things, love

my sister: how's college
me: i want to come home.
me: it's kind of boring
my sister: go make new friends!
my sister: even tho u said its not worth it :P
me: idk
my sister: lol
my sister: ok well i g2g bye!!!!!!

crave_ my friends

Labels: emo, friends, instant messenger

1. i had a spectacularly vivid dream last night that was crazy, non-stop, and the type of dream i would miss having if i ever stopped being able to. i don't remember half the details anymore, only that it involved my friends, living in a fab apartment in new york, eating out in garden cafes in the summer, and being crazy putting on makeup getting ready to go out - and then transformed into bunking with 2ne1 and seeing gd. at one point i was riding in the backseat of a car passed out next to him and dara, and i was curled up around him with gd looking like he did in beautiful hangover. it felt so real, hhahaha! and then i was with my family, and i think some of the boulder kids were in it too..... basically everybody i have ever known in my life (or hope to know) was in the dream and it was amazing and incredibleeeee.

2. i miss my best friends already, especially after last night's odd talk in the parking lot of starbucks as we tried prolonging the time we would all have before we would leave each other. it dragged on to period vag bags, skype dates, boys, uteruses falling out, an old biology teacher of ours, and plans for new york in the spring, and then we commenced to camerawhore. there is a hilarious picture of the three of them lined up in a row that i accidentally took while trying to figure out the self-timer on my camera; i am not in the frame except for the edge of my elbow, and claire, daren, and alex are making three variations (snort-inducing variations) on the same stereotypical fobby face i taught them. looking at it gives me a surge of affection, love, and general warm-fuzziness towards them and how did i EVER find three people who understand me this well? i can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together. soulmates. ♥

3. i stumbled upon an old christmas sock on my dresser a few hours ago and pulled out the gift inside - a tiny clay bibimbap cell phone charm, and a card with a panda on it from one of my old roommates in taiwan, karen (the nice twin). it suddenly occurred to me that she was so lovely to me the entire time i was her terrifying, partying, insomniac american roommate who didn't speak chinese to par and i wasn't nearly as nice back as i should have been. i never fully appreciated her efforts in taking me out to korean food the last night i was in taiwan, the taking to heart my love for bibimbap hence the choice of present, the willingness to look up times for gtv lineups for me and put up with my inane questions ranging from vocab to street locations and my being awake at 5 in the morning while she tried to sleep. i remember that there were slight traces of tears in her eyes when i left though we weren't by any means close. she still facebook messages me sometimes. there are probably dozens of people like her in my life who i don't see. i need to remember to send her something sweet in the mail.

4. one thing i didn't accomplish this summer which i still aspire to do: get at least one more ear piercing.

5. school: click here. (too lazy to copy/paste the entire thing.)

6. i cannot believe that once again, it is my last night in denver. insert obligatory how-i-will-miss-everybody-everything-i-hate-syracuse-classes-i-will-be-back-soon-and-i-will-make-changes-in-my-life-this-year post here, etc etc etc. despite the fab location of my apt and the closeness of my roommate and i, i have just never been that excited to leave home. call me a homebody or just oddly close to my parents and my family or way too comfortable in my denver niche or whatever, but denver is always home and will always be, and i hate going away. a large part of it is concern that my family will be sad after i am gone (this is in no means an effort to sound proud of or think largely of myself), so i am actually kind of glad that my cousin will be essentially replacing me for the next year: living in my room, eating with my family, filling up the space i leave open. despite my fussiness about people touching my stuff, i am glad she will be here so at least my mother will have somebody to talk to during the days she isn't at work.

i am entirely too lazy to make a whole post about leaving denver and starting a new school year, so let's not and pretend we did. however, i do want to say this:

i don't believe at all in the saying "once you leave home, you can never truly go back to it". instead, i would like to amend it to, at least in my own personal encounters: once you leave home, it will always be there waiting for you to step in and continue where you left off.

here's to november 19th when i pick up the threads again. :)

(also, i already miss summer time a lot. lazy days on the back deck swing, late nights at coffee, drinks downtown, parties and beer in boulder, flip flops, coffeehauses, sushi, spontaneous froyo, even work; i will see you 2011 may.)

mood_ meh, all right, all things considering
music_ silence
crave_ somebody to pack for me

Labels: contemplation, dreams, figuring things out, friends, good things, life, nostalgia, school, weekly sum-up

my summer is fantastically and blandly amazing. i can't even tell you what i did yesterday, because all the days are bleeding into each other and i don't remember what i pulled out of the closet to wear (travesty!) much less what i did, who i saw. i've been working a lot, gaining a ton of new experiences and kissing asses and getting all the newsroom gossip and - surprising even myself - working really hard at it, kicking butt, and taking names.

i don't get to see my friends as often as i did, say, last summer because of our clashing work schedules, but when i do, it's mostly to stand in line at pinkberry, scream and keysmash on twitter over world cup results, ponder which movie to see, or look up cuisines we haven't tried on urban spoon. after being verbally molested by teenage boys at stellas coffeehaus, alex and i migrated over to the 24/hr starbucks by barnes and noble with the garden cafe (more realistically, a bunch of tables, spindly chairs, and ottomans set up on the street backlit by the lights shining through from b&n), where, after the sun goes down, it turns into a melting pot of different languages and people and age niches, and the crowd is so, so cool. i love it. mostly we sit with our coffees (read: chai tea lattes) and be pretentious and gossip and blab about world cup. and occasionally watch alex get hit on by weird middle eastern men who attempt to bribe her with chocolates that i end up eating.

we've been eating at dim sum on federal a lot, lollicup for bubble tea even more often where i have finally switched from jasmine milk tea to green apple black iced tea, and last week alex and i went to a persian restaurant on colorado blvd that got great reviews and NO WONDER, because the food was phenomenal. so fresh, and flavorful, and for the first time in a while did i not even think about adding sriracha lmao. we're definitely going back. (and we also bumped into connie and andrew; alex was like, "i feel like you know those people" and i look over and lol, it's condrew!).

i've also been to a slew of high school graduation parties as this time more of a chaperone than a ... partier... and it's frightening me a little how much i have grown. daren reminded me that college seniors are the people who we thought were old NOT when we were in middle school, NOT when we were in high school, but when we were COLLEGE FRESHMAN. yes. when i was in college at eighteen, i thought the twenty-one/two year olds were ancient shit. and now i am one. 8| (everybody is getting old though: teddy is getting married, ivo has his own apt, kevin and GRACE (!! jfc i hope she survives) are going off to college, daren is graduating college in december, mike moved to arkansas for his career, xiao is.... xiao)

i have figured out, though, that i am so old now that i'm getting lax even about holidays i used to give a shit about. maybe it's that you need a boyfriend in order to be excited over things like this, but for the fourth of july, i woke up not expecting a thing at all. it was nice, though: church; pho for lunch with the twins and carol and chris and ningning and daren actually came; shopping with daren where, predictably, i spent too much again (but $135 for seven items of clothing is a good thing i think, and oh GOD how i have missed shopping); dinner at home where the power went out two seconds after i turned on the tv and then it started pelting rain-then-hail-then-rain-again for the next five hours. after twiddling our thumbs in the dark for about three hours with a lot of whining on qin's part, dad took us driving to aurora mc just to see if they'd have fireworks despite the storm, and they did. we stayed in our car to watch them go off for about half an hour, and oh my gosh it was so amazing. i always am blown away by fireworks probably because it's something of which the mechanics i will never understand. anyway, i'm glad we went. the power was still off (and it was still raining, hard) when we returned home, and we lit all my candles that i haven't used since i've been away at college and talked on my parents' bed in the dark until the power finally came back on again at around 11:30 pm. we are so pathetic, though, whinging about the lack of electricity for a few hours and being absolutely bored to tears: we'd never survive in the stone age.

i think i'm in a summer rut, though. i've been thinking about things to do to change it up a little, and idk, maybe going to see a rapids game bc i love soccer and how bad can it be, or trying that ethiopian restaurant i found, or going to body world, or elitches since we haven't all been to an amusement park in ages. ALSO, you know, clubbing and barhopping (!!!!!!!) and sleeping over at claire's in our drunken hazes once she gets back from italy in two weeks. plus, much more of wandering around her fantastic old neighborhood and sushi den and india on pearl and such (+ her sobbing all over us about devin and her fucked up state of mind about boys, greaaaat i'm so excited).

aaand that's about it for now. i am sitting on my bed in a thong on a day that I Do Not Want to Be In A Thong. which means it's:
-laundry time. i also have to
-go grocery shopping,
-mail out two checks for rent,
-write some fic on my list,
-online shop at AE tomorrow before their supermegasale goes away,
-call my doctor to make an appointment,
-bag up the clothes i dont want to sell to plato's closet when i go up to boulder to see daren on wednesday, and
-finish designing a shirt to send to xiao for cxr.
wtf??? who am i? like, a... middle-aged..... teenager in a tutu and her mother's shoes. i guess this is growing up.

oh, three more random thoughts:

(one) world cup started out disappointing me with how badly all the supposedly good teams were doing, all the portugal games ended stressing me out wayyyyy too much because of how emotionally invested i now am in them despite it not being my dream team '06 anymore, and i am so crushed that portugal struck out so early. i am decidedly bitter towards the refs, c.ron for being a baby-daddy and not being more present, and most of all, carlos queiroz who as far as i am concerned can just go die in a horrible fucking fire for all the good he's done for the team, because he's done absolutely nothing except make terrible sub-ins and not let deco play his last tourney. fucking a-hole. he strengthened up the defense, fine, but big lot of help it did for v. spain. oh well. i have decided i am going to actively follow man.u again this next season, as well as pick up following real madrid even though my former feelings for that club were not so nice thanks to elias lol, and start saving up for wc2014.

(two) josh randomly texted me during portugal v. spain about the game, and then never texted back. i do not like being a disposable friend, as i have recently discovered that which i am. i thought our friendship was good enough to weather college and time apart but apparently he has no active desire to keep me in his life, or keep up his end of communication at all except on odd days where portugal plays a formidable opponent and he remembers me as the Girl He Used to Know Who Loves Portugal. or like the last time he texted me, when cuse was beaten by butler and he texted me about our fucking basketball team. that time i got him to say we'd actually catch up this summer, but nah, he's apparently forgotten that too. fucker. have a nice life.

(three) i am breaking out all over my face. this rarely happens. i don't know why. it's gross.

mood_ lazy
music_ take it slow - taeyang
crave_ persian foooood

Labels: angry ranting, body, boys, contemplation, food, friends, good things, holidays, internship, life, to-do list, weekly sum-up, world cup

i don't know if it's the 91 degree weather, the backyard barbeque with the patio doors thrown wide open, the sonic with the windows down at 10:30 pm, or the making plans about jetting to jamaica for a long weekend - but today was honestly one of those summer days you dream about happening, the ones that all kind of stick together in your memories and blend together in a haze of sunset, car rides, ice cream and facebook photo albums and the ones you look forward to when it's february and snowing outside your window and your whole entire life is covered in stress, school, and snow - the days that start perfect, end perfect, and everything in between is perfect, too.

nevermind the fact that i felt sticky and gross throughout most of it or that i didn't have perfect hair or that i started getting worn out like the old fart i'm becoming before even midnight hit. for once i remembered to charge my ipod for the car and my summer playlist created a nice underlying white noise at pho and laughing at mike when he accidentally mixed up incense with incest and asked carol if she burned an illegal brother and sister relationship at the stake instead of sticks of perfume; browsing for asian movies and hello kitty thrifts and lollipops at modern; eating freshly cut watermelon and watching the boys play smash brothers at teddy's house, and then playing uno for forever with pushups as punishments for the losers, and then drawing <3 teddy on ivo's arm as he slept; watching the lakers vs. celtics game and teddy and ivo's dad grilling absolutely delicious shrimp and chicken and steak outside on the backyard grill between muttering underneath his breath about the referees being biased; rushing to the theatre to watch sex and the city 2 (!!!!) with alex and giggling every three seconds because carrie, miranda, samantha, and charlotte are so, so us; meeting up with daren afterwards to go to sonic again and finally getting totally carried away about weekend plans to jamaica now that they're only $100 a ticket.

i don't even know which part was the best, and i can't describe the feeling. the day is nothing monumental, nothing out of the ordinary, and yet when i look back on the best days of my life ten, twenty, fifty years from now - maybe this day will stick to the next, maybe i won't remember all the details like how hard mike, xiao, ningning and i laughed with sharpies in our hands and a sleeping ivo at our mercy, maybe i won't even remember this day at all - but i'll remember the feeling. the intangible, indescribable feeling of a perfect summer day will stay with me - and this day, with friends, food, laughter, sunshine, and my ipod playing in the car, will definitely be a part of it.

mood_ content
music_ under the sheets - ellie goulding
crave_ nothing. :)

Labels: food, friends, good things, life, likes, love, music

[ w e e k l y roundup ]

sun, may 23_ church, pho with the boys, and midnight bubble tea at lollicup with daren and louise that turns into a food run after we figure out we're hungry. drive around university, decide to go to our failsafe at sonic, but sonic is apparently hosting some sort of weird trailer trash late night party spot so we go back to university and get gyros and stuffed grape leaves at jerusalem cafe at 11pm. and trade drunk stories and decide to come back when we're high since it's open 24/7. louise gets a baklava to go but eats it on accident. i almost drive us into a sidewalk. daren is a bad directions giver.
mon, may 24_ emo and mope around the whole day about not getting a callback about the internship for fox31news/cw2, finally decide to watch the lost season finale so i can take my mind off things, and after sending in a message to mike saying i can help out with cccjr, adam sechrist calls and tells me i got the internship. god is good. freak out with my family, mom cries, grandma cries, qq says i told you so, even my dad grins. go out to kingsland for dim sum with daren to celebrate. overstuff ourselves!
tue, may 25_ supposed to go shopping with daren, but wake up too late. uhmmm don't remember what else.
wed, may 26_ try writing, fail, go to lollicup for bubble tea and chipotle for dinner with qq instead. have some nice sister bonding time, long overdue.
thu, may 27_ alex comes over for an afternoon with sex and the city movie! surprised bc she has always been adamantly against the entire series, so it's nice she has decided to open up to them just in time to watch the second one with me. go to panera for some lunch, watch the movie, and spend way too long on textsfromlastnight.com. (303:) idk where my bra went. (1-303): welll u ran into the street took it off & yelled "im a free woman!" & then u threw it at some homeless guy
fri, may 28_ orientation at fox31/cw2! there are nine other interns besides me. get lunch at chipotle. worship practice for cccjr at church, spend most of the afternoon laughing at mike who can't hit a b note for how he loves. run home at 7:30 to shower, get dressed up, and go out to sushi den with daren and alex for dinner! sushi, mango martini (tampico and vodka! ew), shared green tea ice cream, and bubble tea at lollicup afterwards even though i was fucking full: $40.72. fuck my lief, whatever, IT WAS MAD GOOD.
sat, may 29_ drive up to estes for cccjr. qq ends up parroting every single opinion i have told her in the car to one of her friends while i pretend to be asleep. get lunch at subway, practice worship, hold service, meet my middle school girls small group, and pass out at midnight.

sun, may 30_ wake up feeling gross thanks to some bad food from last night, don't eat breakfast, counselor meeting at 7:45 @_@, service, small group, lunch, come back and find out there is wifi in our cabin and spend two hours online before taking another nap for an hour and a half. dinner, service, small group, campfire, and stay up playing stupid games like ninja and trump until 2 am.
mon, may 31_ skip breakfast, service, drive down from the mountains, chill out.
tue, jun 01_ first day at the internship! first meeting; watch adam make his 9 o'clock newscast, meet everybody including libby weaver and ron zappolo, go out with a reporter, shoot a story about how a little kid saved his grandma's life and the kid is ADORBS, come back, and adam lets me write it!!! go to the control room and watch my story air live at 9. ahh so exciting.
wed, jun 02_ PINKBERRY WITH MAMA AT 9 PM. wait in line for 45 minutes, original with kiwis, raspberries, and mango, and then get pulled over bc mom offers to drive and then forgets to turn on the headlights. but the officer was nice and we talked about pinkberry and he didn't give us a ticket even though mom forgot her license, BAHHHH.
thu, jun 03_ MAKE IT ON TELEVISION! everyday show cw2 at 10 o'clock, first introduced as summer the summer intern (ambush!), then as a participant in goorin brother's hat fashion show lolol with a headband decorated with a feather blair waldorf style. drive with catrina to natalie tysdal's (huge) house (mansion) in lone tree, watch her film quick tips, grab lunch with catrina at panera, and then mostly babysit her 13 month old son johnny while she shoots a package about a gyrospin bicycle that i get to write! (what do you do when you see a spaceman? PARK YOUR CAR, MAN! said in scottish accent)
fri, jun 04_ i think i wake up at like 4 lolol. mom makes me dumplings, then dinner at korea house with alex with kimchi jjigae nomnom, and then pinkberry (mango with blackberry, strawberry, and cheesecake bites WHICH WERE SOOO GOOD OMG), and then downtown to feel out the bar scene for the first time in denver. end up at a place on 15th and lawrence called mynt, free cover and free first drink for ladies. get a vodka cranberry and a mint mojito, and a free neon green shot because we sat at a table outside right next to the bouncer and a barback named shannon who gave them to us. gave shannon our numbers o.o but hopefully it'll lead to connections. slightly tipsy from the drinks. go home, pound out my olymfic in 5 hours. fist. pump.
sat, jun 05_ counselor meeting at cecd at 11:30, pho 79 for lunch with jackjack, jeff, jeremy, andrew, and kyle toasting each other with jalapenos, take a 3 hour nap on accident, and then go to connie's housewarming party even though it's kind of over. we talk for a while about a lot of things and i eat pizza and drink the pink lemonade i brought over and then mike says his farewell party has been moved to tomorrow for lunch, so i head back home.

feels like summer~

mood_ happy
music_ days and days - fantastic plastic machine
crave_ pinkberry: mango with cheesecake bites

Labels: alcohol, bars, faith, food, friends, good things, internship, life, weekly sum-up

i'm finally home again. i don't even know how to express how much happier i am because of the scenery change; to wake up and see warm denver (or not, seeing as colorado weather is erratic as hell) skies outside instead of dreary syracuse. maybe i have an odd outlook on syracuse because it hasn't always brought the best memories, but denver is always and will always be closest to my heart.

anyway, i left for home on may 8th at 1:30 pm, which means i missed andrew's graduation, but both of us knew that this was going to happen from the start. we said our goodbyes~*~ the day before anyway, and so far i'm fine with it all - but get back to me in about july. my brain takes a while to process things and in about two months i think maybe i'll finally become a little nostalgic about things. anyway, it was nice having somebody despite the occasional arguing and headbutting and his friend hitting on me and stuff. he says he'll be back in queens occasionally and will stop by syracuse next year, so maybeeee i'll see him again.

also, tony called me in april just out of the blue and i was so excited to finally hear from him since we (i) left things on such a bad note that i think i totally gave him the wrong impression. he started asking about boyfriends and if i was going to come visit him and he hasn't stopped talking to me since. idk how to just be like CAN YOU GO AWAY, I'D RATHER NOT START THIS AGAIN, but i slip into caring about him again really easily and i'd just rather not. boyyyys; they really aren't lying when they say when it rains it pours.

anyway, i got home at around 9 pm, got picked up by ivo, and was instantly whisked away to a house party lmao. and i've pretty much been going nonstop ever since. catching up, graduation parties, movies (ironman 2, which was one of the best movies i have ever seen ; avatar, which... i was forced to see and still don't like), shopping, late-night coffeehouses, gossiping, reveling in being 21, staying out till all hours. i don't think i've been home before 2 am yet. it's so great seeing everyone and picking up right where we left off as if no time has passed; at the same time, we're all growing up. everybody's schedules are so much more complicated to work around because of jobs and summer classes and internships and traveling away in a couple weeks that it's really hitting me that this is it. this is all we have left. this summer, maybe next summer, and then what? what are we all going to be doing, where will we be?

alex is working at gov's park again (free drinks!!!!!!! world cup!!!!! i will be watching it there no doubt.. as soon as i figure out where it is) and got into the shakespeare production she wanted which is great; daren is working and up in boulder most of the time and studying for the lsats; alicia is traveling back to boston for the rest of the summer :C; claire is in italy until july and then studying for the mcats; josh is doing god knows what; jeff is going to washington for an internship and working at katie's parent's restaurant until then; teddy is going to china in 2 days to get married and then bringing carol back to get married here in july; ivo moved to his own studio apt in cherry creek; mike is either staying in lakewood or moving to arkansas for his job.

and then there's me. i walked around for almost two weeks telling everyone that i was taking summer classes at d.u., emailing professors about the courses i was going to take, preparing everything for d.u. and trying to avoid the subject of internships - and then i woke up on monday afternoon to a message from roslyn vialpondo from fox news and cwtv news calling for an interview. AFTER ALL MY TEARS, FRUSTRATION, AND WORRY, I GOT THE INTERVIEW. god does provide. to say i was shellshocked would be the understatement of the year; as it was, i ran out in my boyshorts screaming for my mom to tell her the news. my interview was on wednesday, and since my dad is in charge of interviews and hiring people at his unit, he helped me overprepare - writing down lists of questions they usually ask, going over them with me, helping me know what to say. i went shopping with alex the day before at express and spent $207 (after i saved $81) for business clothes, and none of my family even cared because they were so stoked about how i looked. the interview turned out to be a group interview, and for all my being the most qualified and the only ethnic one and smiling and not fidgeting and etc, i have no idea how it went. on the way home i started agonizing about everything i could have said but didn't, but isn't that how it always goes?

i find out if i got the internship on monday. if i get it, i will be working both for fox and cw2, switching responsibilities every two weeks. i really want it, and i'm trying to block out how much i really want this because i don't want to be too disappointed if i don't get it. i'm already starting to stress out about it. god is good all the time, and i trust him, so i'm just mostly trying to distract myself from dwelling on it too much because worry does nothing for anybody. if anything, thank you, thank you, for letting my parents be ridiculously proud of me for two days; for buoying my mood and hopes for two days; for letting me know that i /can/ do this if i set my mind and work ethic to it and that i'm not worthless.

as for grades! a in ANT365 (sexual attraction) !!!, a- in NEW345 (critical perspective on the news), b in BIO123 (biology ii), b in BIO124 (bio lab), and.... A IN PHO205 (PHOTOJOURNALISM)!!!!!!!!!!! oh my GOD I WORKED MY ASS OFF FOR THAT FINAL PROJECT, and i thought i was going to get a b in the class anyway, and holy shit when i checked myslice and saw that a i about passed out (i think i shrieked instead). i worked SO HARD IN THAT CLASS, so i'm so glad it paid off. i really think professor park was right, i do have a good creative eye and good editing perspective. i might look into editing in the future, who knows.

so that's what's been happening. other details and shit:

1. my dad finally got all his teeth out on wednesday. i really was not expecting how different he was gonna look without teeth or dentures to puff out his lips; he has to let his gums settle so he can't put his dentures in until monday, so right now he's just kind of toothless, and. i just. how the lips sag inward when there's nothing to hold them out makes him look so much older and ... feebler? i always saw my dad as this big-man-no-flaws who i got my hate-to-show-vulnerability gene from, and it's strange. mom says it's taking a huge toll on his confidence and he's just overall kind of embarrassed, so i'm just trying to act like normal but sometimes i can't help but just stare at his face. i don't know if i should talk to him about it and let him know it'll be okay. how is he going to go to church tomorrow like this?? i hope he doesn't try to jam his dentures into his mouth again. i can't even imagine how looking at yourself in the mirror like that would be. :( baba, xiwang ni nenggou kuaiyidian hao qi lai.

2. my eye is being an asshole. AGAIN. actually this time it's not the actual eye, it's the bottom lid. apparently my papilla on my lower right lid are inflamed - probably from my facial wash and scrubbing too hard actually, since i can pinpoint the exact time that it started to hurt - but i just LOVE how the moment i call my eye clinic and set up an emergency appointment, mom makes me some green bean soup and then it stops hurting. OF COURSE THIS WOULD HAPPEN. anyway the doctor gave me some steroid eyedrops anyway bc it's still swollen. fucking a, i should just put them on speed dial, i seem to have eye issues every couple of months. :|

3. WORLD CUP SO EXCITED!

4. teddy's wedding is still freakin me out. i guess i will have to make nice with carol once she's here but fmlakslgkajgla. i hate that teddy's going to probably turn into an unbearable sap and say 'we' instead of 'i' all the time and be some oblivious asshat who doesn't see anybody else or have time for anybody except for his wife anymore. he's already like that sometimes and it annoys the hell out of me, and SHE'S NOT EVEN HERE YET. fml i just want slightly jaded love-sucks teddy back.

5. breakthrough on top's character last night with melissa, and i am really proud of us. todae still creeps me out, but not as much with this character breakthrough, because i've just come to decide he doesn't really care which is why he feels okay doing it. i am also head over heels for the into the fire fearsome foursome, KWON SANGWOO I WILL HAVE YOUR BABIES. in other big bang news, the g-ri shippers on omona and their cozy little circle-jerks pisses me the fuck off with how fucking narrow-minded and completely offensive they are. do you HAVE TO shit on everybody else who don't think g-ri is a godsend? GOD. TO EACH THEIR OWN, MOTHERFUCKERS. >:|

okay that's all for now :). life goes so fast, and suddenly i'm a senior in college. when did this happen - where has my time gone?! i'm going to temporarily adopt living in the moment instead of worrying about the future all the time, and make summer '10 fabulous. ♥

mood_ all over the place
music_ carry out - timbaland ft. justin timberlake
crave_ chipotle

Labels: angry ranting, boys, contemplation, faith, fangirling, friends, health, internship, life, school, top, weekly sum-up

no real reason for the picture today other than the fact that it looks delicious and healthy and i am craving it. ; ;

1. i'm doing great today! lmao i sound like an emotional slinky (slinky? see-saw? something weird and bipolar that keeps bouncing around.......) but really i'm mostly in this state of mind so now that i've somewhat bounced back to it it's nice to know and hopefully it'll stay that way for a while. i called daren a couple days ago after she noticed something was clearly wrong and ahh it was so good talking to one of my biffs after only saying a few things in passing over twitter and text and whatnot over the past couple months. she made me feel a lot better about the whole situation though i'm not sure i should be (lmao GOD I SOUND LIKE BROODY EDWARD CULLEN PUNISHING HIMSELF fuck my life), but i love that i have friends like her and i miss her :( :( and it was just so good talking to her!! i now feel a little more enlightened and happy. if i didn't have a more overwhelming desire to be with my family over the summer, i'd definitely live with her up at boulder. actually, still not decided on that yet... to take classes at d.u or c.u? hmm.

2. lol one of andrew's friends hit on me, i think? i'm still not sure if i'm being paranoid but everybody i talked to said he definitely was and it wasn't just me reading too much into it. anyway his name is micah oh and he reminds me a ton a TON of kush, so i think a lot of it was my fault because i may have gave him the wrong impression? because i projected a lot of my celebrity crush on kush onto him (loloops) so he might have gotten the wrong idea. anyway we were hanging out after andrew went to class - him on crutches after he busted his knee playing rugby, kush playing rugby! naturally - when he started saying things like "you know andrew doesn't consider this a real relationship right" and "don't you think you deserve so much more" and all that yada yada you're cheating yourself thing that EVERYBODY thinks here because NOBODY BELIEVES ME WHEN I SAY I AM HAPPY WITH WHAT IT IS. do i have to outright say I JUST AM IN IT FOR THE FUCKING? that's a lie but at least it would get people to leave me the fuck alone about my ~hidden emotions~ i have apparently not tapped into. albeit they'd probably label me a whore, but. sacrifices. anyway now it's kind of awkward and idk what to do, but he's a senior so i don't have to see him anymore after next friday so whatever worst comes to worst i'll just avoid him for 7 more days.

3. i really, really need to go shopping. i look at my closet every morning and just frown face. yea okay this is probably every girl, but everything just looks so recycled. i think i need to clean out my wardrobe again and re-stock. 8| i have such an itch to at least online shop (it's my cardio and therapy okkkkk) but i've spent way too much money this semester already so i'm trying to hold off until at least i get back for the summer. will update on that later........ somebody cut off access to forever21.com and urbanoutfitters.com in the meantime.

4. my filming today went so so so SO well. i don't even give a shit that i missed all of mayfest for it (well, except that i missed drake and n.e.r.d. in concert :\). everybody there was just so nice and so cooperative and let me film wherever i wanted however long i wanted and the interview with brandon the manager was great and there was even coincidentally a WINE TASTING and i got a little drunk because i kept tasting the different kinds, OOPS, prof park would kill me for drinking on the job, but WHATEVER EVERYBODY ELSE IN MY SCHOOL WAS GETTING SCHWASTED AT WALNUT PARK SO AT LEAST I GOT TO PARTAKE A LITTLE IN THE DEBAUCHERY 8). ykw, i'm not even actually sure the footage i got was a+...... which is a little worrying because in that case, i really should not be this satisfied about the whole experience...... also i feel horrible because brandon had printed out and given me this whole sheet of facts and even wrote some more facts down for me to take with, but i forgot it there T_______T i feel like a douchebag and i hope he knows it wasn't on purpose, but i have no way of going back there to get it. i might call him on monday just to ask him to repeat what he wrote so he doesn't think i'm an asshole. anyway, this was just the complete opposite of the unique teahouse shoot so i'm walking on sunshine, fuck you. also, speaking of the unique teahouse shoot, i redid the package for that on thursday and.... well idek how much better it is but i honestly worked until i could not think of a single way to make it any better with what i had, so...... cross fingers.

5. oh! so anyways, at this wine tasting where i did get a little drunk, (why am i putting this under a separate number... i go off on tangents way too much) i finally found a wine i don't detest! sonoma-cutrere, it's a white summer wine. it's not amazing and i wouldn't drink it just because, but i actually enjoy it, especially with cheese cubes, SO TOP, WE CAN PARTY NOW, RIGHT? I CAN HANG WITCHU? 8)

6. fangirly moment: gummy's album is gorgeous. gorgeousgorgeousgorgeous i literally got shivers and tears when i listened to let's break up. i think that one's my favorite off the album but i love because he's a man and loveless, too. oh gummy you have done so well. hj was adorbs in the bc he's a man music video. ALSO.



afjalfjalkfjalfjskfjlakfsaflajflkaf sobs. ;_______________; whyyyy is he so gorgGWHY ARE YOU SO PERFECT GDRAG WAEEEE. i wish there was a full body shot of him at this rick owen's grand opening party bc his outfit his OUTFIT fajlgkagal. the fitted leather zip-up turtleneck WHATEVER that made his torso look long and lean and then paired with the ultra saggy athletic pants slightly rolled up at the bottom does he KNOWWWW THIS IS MY PERFECT LIKE IDEAL SILHOUETTE WHEN I DRAW GUYS LIKE this is the outline i always draw boys in and daydream about somebody pulling off and then he goes and pulls it off OFC HE DOES OF COURSE and also, his gorgeous shoes and his fucking GAUGES IN HIS EARS THAT ARE SIMILAR TO MINE AND HAGLSGJLDamslgsd is he still wearing the promise ring? i don't even care that his hat is fucking weird afmalgakutotwlkjt marry me ;____; gorgeous gdrag my fabulous little man look at you all amazing ; ;

7. seven days until i'm home and now that i no longer dread it so much, there's just a ton of stuff for me to do, not even counting studying for finals, before i'm done. ignore all this, it's just for me.
- stalk ran li about subletting 8|
- find out what the fuck is happening for ant365 final
- go down to marshall and get storage space for summer
- FINALIZE CREDIT TRANSFERRING: get j.nicholson's signatures, figure out where to go for culture course transfer
- sign up for classes either at d.u or c.u for summer, pick up credit transfer sheets again
- credit check @ newhouse again?
- PACK?

finals:
- new345 project: april 22, 5-7:50 pm, nh3 rm467
- bio124: april 27, 3-4:30 pm, life sciences complex rm138
- ant365: may 3, 2:15-3:35 pm, schaffer art building, auditorium
- new345: may 6, 5:15-7:15 pm, nh3 rm467
- pho205: final project due may 7
- bio123: may 7, 3-5 pm, watson theatre

oh it's 2:20 AM!!! HAPPY MAY!!!!!!!!!

mood_ drained T_T
music_ let's break up - gummy
crave_ something sweet and ice cold....... oh god i can still order brownies don't let me

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