ughhhh, new semester. and my last semester - ever. when did i get so fucking old? (it's already getting tiring whenever i catch myself saying something to the extent of "this is the last january 25th i will ever have as a student." "this is the last syllabus and class introduction i will ever read or say." "this is the last batch of textbooks i will ever buy." jfc.) i don't even know where to start. which means, list.

classes, credits, graduation. i've figured out a way around spending tons of money on textbooks which i skim once and then attempt to sell back for only one-fifteenth - if that - of the price that i paid: don't buy them at all. obviously this doesn't always apply because certain classes guarantee a FAIL if you don't read and study it all, but. i cut corners where i can. (this is made up by the fact that i have to buy other shit now: dv tapes, external hds, "miracle ear" earpieces for on-the-air, audio recorders :||| i should've gone into magazine.) i'm taking a total of 12 credits (!!!) but it feels more like 18 thanks to bdj465, in which i got the most frequent rotation of the position i ABSOLUTELY DID NOT WANT. reporter. fuck you reporting, i hate you right now with no car and in the middle of winter. but after pouting and stewing about it for four days, i'm mostly over it and just have resigned myself to stressing out every monday night until halfway through february. talking to the other reporters stuck in the same situation has calmed me down, though, since nobody else seems to care that much. my fiction workshop is predictably filled with every single weird kid in syracuse who i've never seen till now, ever - but i like the professor. sociology of asian americans is basically a repeat of asian studies 101 = easy a = zero time spent + a lot of frustration at the kids who don't know the shit i do now. communications law is more fun than i thought it would be, mostly because dean rubin is one of the best professors i've come across in my entire educational experience. i'm not taking anything pass/fail though i could've, but after the records office told me i wouldn't be eligible for deans list if i did, i decided not to :|. i'm asian, hey. but! i am on track to graduation and will be graduating with a total of one (lol) credit more than i need. and i've never sunk below a b my entire college career (i'm asian, hey?) so COME MAY I AM GOING TO TUCK YOU UNDER MY BELT AND NEVER LOOK BACK, SYRACUSE. OVERALL GRADE: A

social life: ehhh. like i said before, most of my friends are abroad the entire year because they're on the five year track, so i still don't really have a lot of people here :( and my weekends and free time have definitely suffered because of that. i've come to the new conclusion that i'm less confident in myself when my friends aren't around; they didn't even have to be in the same classes for me to be more sure of myself when answering questions or just generally when i was being outspoken in class, but just knowing that they were there in the nearby vicinity and not halfway around the world was more comforting. i still talk too much in class but i'm not friendly about it nor am i approachable, and even i can tell. it bothers me a little that only now am i discovering that despite my path to ~independence~ and strong!womanhood, i still need people who like me to validate how i feel about myself to a certain extent... but i will never be that person who can be happy without friends. and right now i don't have a lot :| so..... i'm just reading a lot of novels on my to-read list from forever (which is good, i'm glad i'm finally doing that) and wasting more time with movies and new television shows and online and at the teahouse/library/starbucks. but it's only for another three months, and is broken up by my birthday weekend (see below) and spring break at home with everybody there and in time to celebrate st patricks day!!!! so it's all right. OVERALL GRADE: C-

birthday: subset of social life i guess but i'm too excited about this to put it under my sad social standing :(. one of the things my group of friends back in denver and i did too little of was take trips together! we always talked about scheduling cruises or roadtripping to california or going to vegas, but not until now have we finally set up a trip to boston for my birthday!!!!! EEEEEE!!!! alex and i have been there before (as well as alicia, but she doesn't really count since she goes to school there) but never with daren, never for anything special. so this time, even though boston - like all of the east coast - is snowed the fuck in which means it will be cold as shit and i will have perpetual woolen!hat hair and ugly coat and salt crust on my boots, i am so happy about it that i don't even care. weather conditions, bring it on!! we are also celebrating chinese new year so i'm going to haul them to chinatown. and i don't know what else alicia has scheduled, but she says she's packed full our weekend :DD we were supposed to go this weekend - so i would've been landing right now - but snow happened and daren's flight was canceled so we all pushed it back another weekend (also this way alex can most likely come too). i hope most of our plans revolves around food. and clubs! and alcohol. n_n february 4th to 7thhhhh and i'm missing monday class but DO I CARE, NO. OVERALL GRADE: A+

love life: another subset of social life i guess, but uhh nothing is going on. joe and i are friends at this point and for a variety of reasons i've already talked about, i'm not making a huge (read: any) effort so he's seemed to pick up on it and is just friendly joe instead of forward!flirty!joe. his roommate is nice... and i finally figured out his name is samuel, but he isn't exactly the tallest guy and while it's okay if i adapt to wearing flats, i have way too many heels i've broken in to not wear them. i put my feet through hell getting used to heels, they aren't switching back for a guy. this may be jumping the gun. like i told mom, i'm not interested in making boys a priority until everything else in my life is settled down and stable. this may mean i will be a 35 yr old single girl. i hope that doesn't happen, so maybe i will compromise and say if i'm 28 and have no prospects, i will actively start looking even if everything else in my life is fucked up. OVERALL GRADE: N/A

bills, job hunt, responsibilites: terrible LOL. i started out on fire bc the first thing i did when i got here on the 17th was clean the counters & fridge, sweep, and vacuum the entire apartment. .....and that's about it. there is a pile of dishes in the sink, my trash can is overflowing, and i'm running out of things to wear because it's all in the laundry. also one of my suitcases with most of my packed clothes from home is still sitting on the floor. i just paid the utilities bill for january; have not dropped off rent checks for december or january; and i don't have any contact solution (THOUGH I TRIED!!! stopped off at the student bookstore today to get toothpaste and face wash but they didn't have clear care :| and i can't use regular solution) and am trying to figure out how i can go without it until monday bc i'm too lazy to bundle up and slip&slide all the way down to cvs to get myself some. have not gone grocery shopping yet. have not networked a whole lot even though i should and all the contact information is just sitting on my desk. i think the fact that adam sucks at checking his email and never replied to my thank-you i sent him over the holidays discouraged me andddd i should schedule something with the cdc for therapy. oh my god. i'm making myself depressed. i'm a bad adult. OVERALL GRADE: D

health: i sleep at least around 6-7 hours per night during the weeknights i have class (m-thu), and thennn weekends around 10-12 hours, usually between 5 am to an indecent hour of the afternoon that i would rather not say. most days i end up eating one meal and a half. sometimes i eat two meals... but the hours are questionable because of my weekend sleep patterns and because i have class when lunch is usually happening for normal people. as an example that epitomizes this: last night (wednesday night) i slept from 4 to 11 am; went to class until 2; ordered a chai tea latte and a raspberry croissant at the library; another class till six; ate three slices of pizza and a huge cinnamon bun my roommate made; napped (i know, it's terrible to sleep right after you eat but i made the mistake of thinking i could stay awake curled up in bed with my book. wrong!) until 11; dressed somewhat decently before going across the hall to joe's apt where he and his roommate and a few other girls from the hallway were having a party in the dinky apartment; came back at 1:30 and proceeded to do nothing on the computer until 5 am when i ate another half of a cinnamon bun and then showered and now it's 8:30 am and i'm here. i'm in deep denial about having to grow up and operate on normal hours, clearly. as an addendum, the skin on my face is freaking out and getting really, really dry. some parts are peeling constantly, and it almost feels like ecsema except it's not irritating or painful save for when i put makeup (concealer) on the affected areas. i have no idea what to do, if it's a side effect of my keratosis pilaris, what :|. however, i'm not exactly surprised because it's happened pretty much every winter since high school, so i just slather on moisturizer and facial butter and mostly ignore it. i should probably schedule a full-body exam when i get back to denver for spring break though. OVERALL GRADE: D+

writing: better!!! i just need to stop forcing it and write when i feel like it. stop tinkering around with it so much and trying to mold myself into a style that is clearly not me. the professor in my fiction workshop told us about how he wanted to be like garcia marquez for the better part of a year once and everything he was writing was turning out like bad marquez... and then he got over it and figured out something that worked for him. you can admire other people's work, analyze and break it down and play around with it yourself and adapt some elements into your own writing, but if you never get over them and onto something else, then you won't ever be a real writer, he said. i think my growing pains are mostly over, despite the terrible flash fiction i wrote in class that i have no idea what it was about. dads and moms and peeling wallpaper and hongkong ghettos and mining factories??? what??? OVERALL GRADE: B+

don't really know what to say as an ending........ i'm a bad adult.

mood_ over it
music_ don't look now ft. keri hilson - far-east movement
crave_ chipotle

Labels: boys, food, friends, graduation, health, holidays, life, money, reading, school, stress, weekly sum-up, writing