the only times i want to blog is when i'm closing in on only getting 5 hrs of sleep for the night or when i'm swamped with homework and grownedup shit. when i'm free for an afternoon, i end up marathoning antm or old seasons of project runway or wasting away at the teahouse/library/various states of unconsciousness. this is my life as we know it, lol. i better make something out of myself, and soon, before i permanently fuse with this ridiculousness.

school is school is school. it's getting to be that particular point in every semester where i reach a comfortable stretch of mind and just stop caring so much and start coasting along. i'm far along enough in my classes that i am familiar with the material, know what i'm doing, and have started ditching whenever i feel like i want a nap or some bubble tea instead. with far fewer friends this year, i'm surprised at how well i am adjusting to the concept and reality of being my own company a lot. this makes me sound kind of pathetic and lonely but i'm actually all right. it was a struggle the first few weeks because i'd come home and want somebody to just be available to go to starbucks with, or just unwind and talk about whatever for a few hours, and more often than not there wouldn't be anyone - but i think i like the idea of evolving into more independence. having friends is great and i miss them - my skype and tokbox and webcam are wearing out from talking to them - but i need to get used to doing things on my own. i think i was like that already to a degree, what with it practically coming with the contract of being the oldest child, but some things, like eating and grocery shopping and i don't know, going to resume seminars, i always did with somebody else. so this year, i'm largely forced to do most of it alllll byyy mahself and idk, it's not as bad as i thought it'd be. kind of wuliao and fantastically boring after a while but i could've quit it with half the dramatics i put everybody through when i'd whined about it.

getting back on the subject of classes themselves, a few things i am proud of myself for: i am on top of my time management this year. so far, at least. i don't know how and when and why this happened (maybe that i actually always keep icalender open?), but at least for the midterms this time around, i am a fuckin time management GOD. this is entirely lame, being so proud of myself for being able to do something i should've been apt at since grade school, but i have always been queen procrastinator. putting things off till the night before, writing papers an hour before class, half-assing assignments with the bs skillz i learned in ib ~ you name it, except blatant cheating, and i have done it just to get the end result of a decent grade. (how am i still an honors student? how the fuck was i nominated for one of five newhouse scholar positions this year!?) but anyway, for this weeks midterms (that just ended) i started studying ahead of time, i read mostly all the material, i took really great notes i kind of want to scan into the computer just to show everybody (:|), and come this week, i wasn't actually all that strained for study time. so, snaps for summer. never mind the fact that i put off buying my textbooks and didn't have a text for the anthro midterm this morning, aka i think i didn't do that hot.......... i'm just really glad this week is 95% over. three midterms and a video project, orz. also, i'm applying to things i normally would've just been too lazy for last year - getting nominated for newhouse scholar kind of kicked me in the ass in the good way! really i just felt like yea, i do deserve to be here, i am as good as all of you if i got nominated for this by the dean of the school, and i'm just volunteering for shit and filling out apps and THIS DOESN'T SOUND LIKE ANYTHING TO BE PROUD OF BUT I DON'T DO THIS STUFF OKAY.

on another note, tv/digital news reporting practicum is really stressing me out. every other week we switch off between, 1, actually going off campus, finding news worthy stories, shooting, reporting, and editing all of it to turn the entire video project in by midnight - and, 2, practicing our reporting in the live labs that are about as much fun and inviting as an interrogation room with bright lights and about six cameras trained on you (six cameras with the most unflattering lens EVER. not only do you gain 10 pounds, you are automatically washed out and looking like you're there for your mug shots. there's some footage i won't ever be putting on my resume tape). yesterday my partner for the week and i did a news story on high school safety - after the usual hair-tear-age at the lack of cooperative interviewee sources and shooting subjects, we finished shooting at around 4 pm. and i was in the edit suites until 9:45 pm. i would've stayed longer because i wasn't 100% satisfied with neither my script nor my video, but i still had anthropology to study for, and i hadn't eaten since noon, and i was literally falling asleep in those stupid edit suites. (and i still managed to forget to turn in my script.) i'm going to be so glad when this class is over. it's kind of one of those "let's thrust you straight into the situation and let you flounder around until you finally get a grip on it! we'll put you in worst case scenarios so anything in the real world will be so easy for you!" situations. i don't even know what to do with myself. i'm so stressed every single wednesday. the professional reporters i went out with this summer during my internship definitely had an easier job than we do right now.

i'm also so mad at myself with how much money i have spent this month. i hate hate hate hate hate it. the bulk of it has been on things for the apartment, groceries and meals, and rent - but i did go shopping at carousel last weekend and spent $160; bought another longchamp bag for class for $156; online shopped for a little bit and spent $57; i consistently get chai lattes and iced caramel frappes and lemon pound cakes at starbucks; and idk, i just feel really guilty about it. shopping is my addiction, i willingly admit it. HELLO MY NAME IS SUMMER AND I AM A SHOPAHOLIC. i will check myself into a psych ward after graduation and get some r&r time about it. this is why i need to marry a rich man, see? anyway, i have always spent a shit ton of money - but i guess the distinction this time is that i consistently feel terrible about it. with rent and textbooks and utilities and time warner cable and food and everything else we have to pay, i hate that i'm still so effing materialistic and i get food cravings a lot and i just have to have another coffee. growing up doesn't seem so much fun after all if i'm only 21 and the only thing i can think about are bills. anyway, it's the last day of september which provides a nice sort of close on the whole thing, so i'm going to call my parents, cry to mama about how bad i feel, and then stop spending so much on what i don't need. rent, utilities, cable, and food that costs less than my meal plans for the dining hall previous years (which, at least at night, is $16 per meal. WHAT A RIPOFF, even if our dining hall food is great). that's it for me. unless i find that perfect blazer i've been looking for. jk.

other than that: i had a brief three-day worry over rooming with kelly when she started getting pissy about random things like separating our dishes and foodstuffs and studying in the same room, but it's all good now after we talked and i realized she's just stressed out. the girl gets about 5 hrs of sleep on a good night and honestly, i had no idea how much work she did for vpa till i am witness to it every night. idek. i am consistently humbled when i complain to her about how much work i have and she makes a little comment like "ya, i have 102960984635 projects right now" and i feel like the biggest idiot, making mountains out of molehills. and about the dishes/foodstuffs shit, she said she's just anal about it. and she's a lot less stressed this year! supposedly! so anyway everything is fine and she's great and we're good.

also, i'm having some sort of weird recurring three-minute taiwanese drama with my two hallmates who live across the hall. i put most of it on my livejournal right here, but basically i don't know what's going on inside this guy joe's (or his roommate's, for now still named boy 2) head and what exactly he wants or if i'm just some sort of ego booster for him. whatever, i can't afford to care that much anyway, and i think he's a junior. why does this always happen to me? does my face scream cougar to you?

ACTUALLY LEAH SAYS I LOOK LIKE FEI FROM MISS A. SO HATERS TO THE LEFT BC FEI IS HOT.

(ALSO I TALKED TO STEFANO TONCHI, EDITOR IN CHIEF OF W MAGAZINE, TODAY TO SET UP AN INTERVIEW WITH HIM FOR MY W PROFILE FOR MAGCLASS. AND I'M STILL STARRRRSTRUCK (baby could you blow my heart up).

mood_ okay
music_ what you know about that - t.i.
crave_ christmas?

Labels: boys, figuring things out, food, friends, life, money, school, stress, weekly sum-up