i'm finally home again. i don't even know how to express how much happier i am because of the scenery change; to wake up and see warm denver (or not, seeing as colorado weather is erratic as hell) skies outside instead of dreary syracuse. maybe i have an odd outlook on syracuse because it hasn't always brought the best memories, but denver is always and will always be closest to my heart.

anyway, i left for home on may 8th at 1:30 pm, which means i missed andrew's graduation, but both of us knew that this was going to happen from the start. we said our goodbyes~*~ the day before anyway, and so far i'm fine with it all - but get back to me in about july. my brain takes a while to process things and in about two months i think maybe i'll finally become a little nostalgic about things. anyway, it was nice having somebody despite the occasional arguing and headbutting and his friend hitting on me and stuff. he says he'll be back in queens occasionally and will stop by syracuse next year, so maybeeee i'll see him again.

also, tony called me in april just out of the blue and i was so excited to finally hear from him since we (i) left things on such a bad note that i think i totally gave him the wrong impression. he started asking about boyfriends and if i was going to come visit him and he hasn't stopped talking to me since. idk how to just be like CAN YOU GO AWAY, I'D RATHER NOT START THIS AGAIN, but i slip into caring about him again really easily and i'd just rather not. boyyyys; they really aren't lying when they say when it rains it pours.

anyway, i got home at around 9 pm, got picked up by ivo, and was instantly whisked away to a house party lmao. and i've pretty much been going nonstop ever since. catching up, graduation parties, movies (ironman 2, which was one of the best movies i have ever seen ; avatar, which... i was forced to see and still don't like), shopping, late-night coffeehouses, gossiping, reveling in being 21, staying out till all hours. i don't think i've been home before 2 am yet. it's so great seeing everyone and picking up right where we left off as if no time has passed; at the same time, we're all growing up. everybody's schedules are so much more complicated to work around because of jobs and summer classes and internships and traveling away in a couple weeks that it's really hitting me that this is it. this is all we have left. this summer, maybe next summer, and then what? what are we all going to be doing, where will we be?

alex is working at gov's park again (free drinks!!!!!!! world cup!!!!! i will be watching it there no doubt.. as soon as i figure out where it is) and got into the shakespeare production she wanted which is great; daren is working and up in boulder most of the time and studying for the lsats; alicia is traveling back to boston for the rest of the summer :C; claire is in italy until july and then studying for the mcats; josh is doing god knows what; jeff is going to washington for an internship and working at katie's parent's restaurant until then; teddy is going to china in 2 days to get married and then bringing carol back to get married here in july; ivo moved to his own studio apt in cherry creek; mike is either staying in lakewood or moving to arkansas for his job.

and then there's me. i walked around for almost two weeks telling everyone that i was taking summer classes at d.u., emailing professors about the courses i was going to take, preparing everything for d.u. and trying to avoid the subject of internships - and then i woke up on monday afternoon to a message from roslyn vialpondo from fox news and cwtv news calling for an interview. AFTER ALL MY TEARS, FRUSTRATION, AND WORRY, I GOT THE INTERVIEW. god does provide. to say i was shellshocked would be the understatement of the year; as it was, i ran out in my boyshorts screaming for my mom to tell her the news. my interview was on wednesday, and since my dad is in charge of interviews and hiring people at his unit, he helped me overprepare - writing down lists of questions they usually ask, going over them with me, helping me know what to say. i went shopping with alex the day before at express and spent $207 (after i saved $81) for business clothes, and none of my family even cared because they were so stoked about how i looked. the interview turned out to be a group interview, and for all my being the most qualified and the only ethnic one and smiling and not fidgeting and etc, i have no idea how it went. on the way home i started agonizing about everything i could have said but didn't, but isn't that how it always goes?

i find out if i got the internship on monday. if i get it, i will be working both for fox and cw2, switching responsibilities every two weeks. i really want it, and i'm trying to block out how much i really want this because i don't want to be too disappointed if i don't get it. i'm already starting to stress out about it. god is good all the time, and i trust him, so i'm just mostly trying to distract myself from dwelling on it too much because worry does nothing for anybody. if anything, thank you, thank you, for letting my parents be ridiculously proud of me for two days; for buoying my mood and hopes for two days; for letting me know that i /can/ do this if i set my mind and work ethic to it and that i'm not worthless.

as for grades! a in ANT365 (sexual attraction) !!!, a- in NEW345 (critical perspective on the news), b in BIO123 (biology ii), b in BIO124 (bio lab), and.... A IN PHO205 (PHOTOJOURNALISM)!!!!!!!!!!! oh my GOD I WORKED MY ASS OFF FOR THAT FINAL PROJECT, and i thought i was going to get a b in the class anyway, and holy shit when i checked myslice and saw that a i about passed out (i think i shrieked instead). i worked SO HARD IN THAT CLASS, so i'm so glad it paid off. i really think professor park was right, i do have a good creative eye and good editing perspective. i might look into editing in the future, who knows.

so that's what's been happening. other details and shit:

1. my dad finally got all his teeth out on wednesday. i really was not expecting how different he was gonna look without teeth or dentures to puff out his lips; he has to let his gums settle so he can't put his dentures in until monday, so right now he's just kind of toothless, and. i just. how the lips sag inward when there's nothing to hold them out makes him look so much older and ... feebler? i always saw my dad as this big-man-no-flaws who i got my hate-to-show-vulnerability gene from, and it's strange. mom says it's taking a huge toll on his confidence and he's just overall kind of embarrassed, so i'm just trying to act like normal but sometimes i can't help but just stare at his face. i don't know if i should talk to him about it and let him know it'll be okay. how is he going to go to church tomorrow like this?? i hope he doesn't try to jam his dentures into his mouth again. i can't even imagine how looking at yourself in the mirror like that would be. :( baba, xiwang ni nenggou kuaiyidian hao qi lai.

2. my eye is being an asshole. AGAIN. actually this time it's not the actual eye, it's the bottom lid. apparently my papilla on my lower right lid are inflamed - probably from my facial wash and scrubbing too hard actually, since i can pinpoint the exact time that it started to hurt - but i just LOVE how the moment i call my eye clinic and set up an emergency appointment, mom makes me some green bean soup and then it stops hurting. OF COURSE THIS WOULD HAPPEN. anyway the doctor gave me some steroid eyedrops anyway bc it's still swollen. fucking a, i should just put them on speed dial, i seem to have eye issues every couple of months. :|

3. WORLD CUP SO EXCITED!

4. teddy's wedding is still freakin me out. i guess i will have to make nice with carol once she's here but fmlakslgkajgla. i hate that teddy's going to probably turn into an unbearable sap and say 'we' instead of 'i' all the time and be some oblivious asshat who doesn't see anybody else or have time for anybody except for his wife anymore. he's already like that sometimes and it annoys the hell out of me, and SHE'S NOT EVEN HERE YET. fml i just want slightly jaded love-sucks teddy back.

5. breakthrough on top's character last night with melissa, and i am really proud of us. todae still creeps me out, but not as much with this character breakthrough, because i've just come to decide he doesn't really care which is why he feels okay doing it. i am also head over heels for the into the fire fearsome foursome, KWON SANGWOO I WILL HAVE YOUR BABIES. in other big bang news, the g-ri shippers on omona and their cozy little circle-jerks pisses me the fuck off with how fucking narrow-minded and completely offensive they are. do you HAVE TO shit on everybody else who don't think g-ri is a godsend? GOD. TO EACH THEIR OWN, MOTHERFUCKERS. >:|

okay that's all for now :). life goes so fast, and suddenly i'm a senior in college. when did this happen - where has my time gone?! i'm going to temporarily adopt living in the moment instead of worrying about the future all the time, and make summer '10 fabulous. ♥

mood_ all over the place
music_ carry out - timbaland ft. justin timberlake
crave_ chipotle

Labels: angry ranting, boys, contemplation, faith, fangirling, friends, health, internship, life, school, top, weekly sum-up