i finally decided for whatever reason to go through all of my wips, scraps, and abandoned fics. didn't even remember writing half of them, a good third of them i wrote a year ago, and now i have two and a half pages filled with nothing but titles of the shit i want to finish (maybe i will steal melissa's idea and post up the scraps somewhere for motivation...).

BUT, i am SO FRUSTRATED RIGHT NOW AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME in particular about two things:

ONE, my lack of ability to FUCKING FINISH A DAMN FIC udek. i always get all these amazing ideas and a perfect end result in my head that usually entails a few great, riveting scenes in the middle and a breathtaking ending line - but then when i start writing and it's not turning out the way i want, which usually it doesn't because i have the terrible habit of tangenting, i give up so incredibly easily.

TWO, and this is by far the worser one of the two, i was DEFINITELY a better writer a year ago. reading over some of the wips from last year, i was like, omg why did i give up on this this is actually pretty good! which tells you something about my definition of "quality". :|

a year ago i could pull out better content and a more graceful style that i can now, imagery and symbolisms and metaphors that i feel like i am NOT CAPABLE of even thinking up right now. idk if it's the monotony and conformity of kpop fandom, the fact that i haven't had time to read a lot, or just that i was more inspired by where i was last year (taiwan) than this year.

but it takes me so long to even write a stupid paragraph, and it is like PULLING TEETH. and maybe i'm just in a rut, but i'm really mad at myself rn and wondering where all the brain magic went that i kind of used to have (maybe? ~*~*~*~). i just really really really. don't know what to do. SOMEBODY HELP ME UP I NEED A GENIE

mood_ defeated but NOT DEAD
music_ strict machine - goldfrapp
crave_ BRAIN MAJICK

Labels: angry ranting, nostalgia, writing