1. tony: he texted me randomly last night asking if i was still in denver, and then after a minute of lip-biting contemplation that led to me texting him back a 'yes, why, where are you.......... he never answered. and fuck if he and boys and what all were finally, finally the furthest things on my mind when that happened; when i finally didn't give a fuck and couldn't care less and of course, that's when tony decides oh hello, let's see what summer is up to!!!!!1!!1!1!! anyway i was going to write this bit last night and post it but i was out till 2 am and then was too angry to do much else except watch reruns of friends like this >:| until i fell asleep at 5 am. apparently he left his phone at home when he went out last night, and apologized today as well as making some small talk over text message that included the fact that he's back. and then he asked if he could see me wednesday.............. i think the fact that i texted like four friends instantly internally panicking about the potential meeting says something about the state of our current relationship ok. bc for all the well-wishes and sendings-off and hope-you're-okay's i have both verbalized and written down, i left out the tail end of tony-and-summer, the part where both of us got too lax in communication to the point where i didn't care (and he probably didn't care) until i left for taiwan (in which i was a huuuge bitch and left things on a really bad note because i was ~getting over it~). and then after i got back i found out he'd left for seattle without even letting me know. so much for the label "friends" counting as something. the point is, now he's suddenly back (oh yes, when i asked for how long he said indefinitely and won't tell me what happened to seattle. well then.) and wants to see me and i am wary of what will/might happen. a lot of awkwardness bc i have no idea what the shit to talk about anymore, thus things left unsaid, leading to probably a shit ton of sexual tension that i may or may not relieve depending on. but while i still have my head, can i just say i really would rather not? i fucking hate starting things up a month before i leave. a summer fling, fine. but it's august, and this is tony, and who knows when things will snowball out of control again if given a chance!!!!! not fine. ugh.

2. andrew: still isn't talking to me. or, has not contacted me to even let me know he's still fucking ALIVE since may 7th when i left cuse. back in may i really didn't believe that i cared because it was over and it had never evolved into anything above i-like-you-you-like-me casual..... hanging out............ whatever i don't even know what to call it. in any case i didn't think it was necessary to do the whole let's call and text and email and skype and blahblahblahbahblah, plus there was the entire weird situation with micah and how he indirectly insinuated that he liked me so i didn't want to deal with that either. and i'm not even sure i even miss andrew as much as i am just indignant at the fact that he doesn't miss me enough to even message me a stupid how-is-everything. because i do miss him; just funny, trivial things sometimes that i come across and want to tell him about but i don't want to be the first to break the ice. especially when micah is calling me to catch up and tell me that andrew hasn't mentioned me, oh, at all!!!!! i really don't get what he thinks the point of telling me this is, other than to make me feel even less of a person. it's not like i'm going to hear that and then go crying into micah's arms? anyway, recently i found out that andrew isn't talking to me bc he's ~mad~ at me for not going to his graduation. which is the SHITTIEST excuse i have ever heard of a reason to be mad at somebody. i told him back in march that my plane ticket was non-refundable and i couldn't make it, and he was fine with it - except now apparently he isn't fine!! and this is the reason he is pretending i don't exist anymore! which is bullshit. i know it's a coverup to either not let go of me or so he doesn't have to tell me he already has. (i was told the other option is he really is just an asshole who gets pissy and holds grudges over shit like this but andrew really isn't that type of person.) and micah called me again today and I JUST. leave me alone and stop being a two-timing jerk to your best friend.

BOYS. JESUS.

mood_ apprehensive and pissed off
music_ neon - john mayer
crave_ NORMALCY!!!!

(by the way, blake was fixed in three days and you can't even tell he was wrecked at all except a tiny ding on the hood! and he's all polished and shiny. ;______; tysm troy from abra autobody, you are my hero.)

Labels: angry ranting, boys, car, life