1. i associate music with memories. setting, sensations, how i was feeling, who i was with, how the air smelt - a complete perceptive snapshot encapsulated within one song. at times it's an incomplete, a half-developed negative, but more often than not i can remember everything down to the last grain of sand. usually the memory has nothing to do with the song at all, but somehow the tunes and lyrics become a part of the memory itself - like the background white noise, the underlying hum that perfectly soundtracks better than words that feeling in the pit of my stomach when the memory happened.

sorting through my itunes library sometimes is like flipping through a photo album for me. paper-thin hymn by anberlin: sitting in the back of claire's car, watching my reflection in the window and the sun filter in from outside, on the way to daren's house for lunch after a perfect summer night in, even though i am a little tired and without makeup and hungry; made for loving you by blue: in the back of mike's car with lei as he drives us home from the twins' old house in golden, it is freezing, we are huddled underneath a huge down quilt in the back seat, and we are stuck in a traffic jam as he says 'hey, you guys should listen to this sappy song'; suga suga by baby bash: the entirety of eighth grade, including the Letter, walking home to alicia's house after school in a big crowd of people with pit stops at the park, and florida with hotel rooms and disneyworld and swimming suits and friends; gei wo duo yi dian by s.h.e: practicing and learning a dance up in estes with daren and alex and laughing until my stomach hurts and feeling grown-up even though it is dark outside and we are about to go skating at the rink and feel grown-up and be obnoxious.

i am bringing this up now because today, i found that it is almost virtually impossible for me to listen to koe o kikasete by big bang anymore because i associate the whole of the song with taiwan. and yes, the entire reason is because it came out when i was in taiwan and i immediately uploaded this to my ipod and listened to it everywhere - bus rides, walking back to the dorm after class, on the way to get bubble tea - but i honestly cannot even hear the opening chords anymore without a surge of ridiculous emotion. for some reason, i was making my way through my favorite music videos and decided to chance watching that one. three seconds in and i started remembering everything i miss and have missed much too much for half a year: taipei 101, and the five-star italian restaurant we splurged on with veal carpaccio and a cute waiter, danshui with the waterfront restaurant and the singer with the beautiful voice, dancing our hearts out at babe18 until we passed out and dropped out with our shoes in our hands and puking every third step, ditching class to go sit in line at gtv for a baifenbai taping and feeling completely starstruck around celebrities i have watched for so long, midnight food runs either at the vending machines with kimchi ramen or at the actual korean restaurant with kimchi and barbeque and then ximilu for dessert, getting lost on the bus on the way to sushi express in gongguan and feeling just generally, entirely, so, so, so happy.

i can't believe a simple, pretty song brings this all back. stupid, how nostalgic i am right now, at two fifty-four in the morning, with koe o kikasete on repeat because i guess i can't help myself.


2. i am becoming more and more materialistic by the day. expensive perfumes, chip and pepper jeans, designer accessories, brand makeup i can do without - all aren't a big deal to purchase anymore. where i used to cringe at anything above $30, multiply that times four and then perhaps i will hesitate a moment before putting it in my shopping cart. to tie up loose ends, though, i guess what i am saying is -


3. somebody stop me before i buy an impulse, one-way ticket to taipei.

mood_ nostalgic, contemplative
music_ koe o kikasete - big bang
crave_ taiwan in its entirety

Labels: contemplation, figuring things out, good things, life, love, wish list