I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT I GOT IT.

!!!!!!!!!! ohhh my god, when 4:30 came and passed i had basically resigned myself to the fact that no, summer, you were not going to get the internship this year after all and good on ya, too, for being cocky and self-assured and thinking it was going to be easy as fuckin pie to get. i didn't do anything on my checklist today to keep busy except watch lost, and that was only because, after staring at my phone since 11:30 am and becoming more and more pessimistic every minute that ticked by, i finally said fuck it, i SAID I WASN'T GOING TO CRY, i am going to stop obsessing and try and swallow away my nausea and make myself some lunch and WATCH LOST. sun/jin, charlie/claire, and sawyer/juliet finally sufficiently distracted me from my own feels-like-teenage-angst when mr.... i don't remember his name, last name begins with an s, called with "we'd like to offer you an internship this summer" and i flew out of my chair. i am convinced that God is behind all of this, ALL OF THIS, because only an hour before, mom had finally talked me into realizing how immature and selfish and half-ass about my faith i was being and i had manned up to my church responsibilities and sent mike and flo an apology email along with a confirmation about serving as counselor at cccjr. ONLY AN HOUR BEFORE MR. S CALLED AT 6:15 PM. they had all day, and yet he waited until i humbled myself - how do i go about living life believing God doesn't exist after i experience things like this?

for now, my hours are mondays and tuesdays, 1:30 - 10pm, and thursdays 4 - 9am. orientation is on friday at 11. honestly, give me the shittiest hours you can think of and i would take it. i went out to dimsum with daren to celebrate at kings land, and it was glakslgja so so so good. i am ridiculously glad that, at the end of the day, i don't have to play the game where i try and convince myself i didn't want it that much anyways and that there will be other, better opportunities and that this isn't as crucial a summer as everyone at newhouse says it is. i am still stunned at how this managed to somehow work out in the end - but i guess the bumpy ride to now taught me so much than if everything had been smooth from the start.

thank you so much to my mom for being there, to my dad for overpreparing me, to my grandma for telling me i look nice, to my sister for finally knocking some fucking sense into my thick head, to alex for shopping with me, to daren and louise for chilling and hanging and going to lollicup and jerusalem cafe at 11 o'clock at night (... i think i need to start doing weekly sum-ups), to ivoteddymikexiao for taking my mind off things and constantly putting up with my bs-ery, most importantly to God for letting me be a flake and a terrible listener and a constant runaway but still hearing me when i cried out to You and giving me this dream of mine. and to everyone, everyone, for constantly encouraging me - be it through twitter, text message, on the phone, in person - and for believing in me when i didn't anymore. thanks for making my summer, for better or worse, worthwhile. great, i sound like i'm giving an acceptance speech. anyway.

i have an internship.



"trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." proverbs 3:5-6

mood_ delirious, excited
music_ whatever you like - anya marina
crave_ chipotle / panera

Labels: faith, good things, internship, life