AS IT TURNS OUT, my prd is here, which is probably why my emotions were so fucking out of whack today. this is good news because at least i know i am not suddenly depressed for no reason and crying to my mom isn't going to be a daily thing - marvelous, because i don't like to. and lord knows i've been doing it way too often. nevertheless, it's not as though being pms-y meant i spun stories from thin air (i'm not one of those crazy types). it's more like my feelings were just amplified and suddenly on steroids, which is scary to think about because i've never really experienced any type of mood swing when i pms (really, my symptoms besides killer cramps sometimes were always quite mellow) but as i get older i'm starting to notice that i get bloated, and groggy, and now this. so it's scary, yes, and all of my problems still exist and are frustrating to think about, but in a way this is all also very liberating. because apparently, when i am hormonally and emotionally slutty and feeling too much, i finally, finally come to grips with the state of my life and deal with shit and make myself admit where i am and where i'd like to be.

so maybe miss pms-y is exhausting to have around, but at least i man up. even if it's through a haze of tears.

anyway, i'm all studied out for my bio practical and not sure how i'll do tomorrow, but suddenly i'm going to bed feeling, despite this whole internship mess and floundering semester that is too late to save, a little better. there is always tomorrow, or as iron & wine says, as sure as tomorrow will come. my mom said at least i learned a lesson of what not to do from now on, and there's really nothing to be gained from further pitying myself, so now i just have to dust myself off and start again. if i don't get an internship, i will spend the summer taking classes and find one next year. all in God's timing, and this will teach me to change my work ethic and that not everything in my life is just going to be handed to me easy as pie.

real glory lies not in never falling, but in rising again every time we fall. (nelson mandela)

jia you~

mood_ astounded (at what i can figure out in so short a time)
music_ rainy mood . com
crave_ greasy imitation chinese food, in particular vegetable lo mein; pizza hut veggie lover's pizza

Labels: contemplation, figuring things out, life